Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Dear Guy: An Open Letter To A Dick

Dear Guy In Line In Front Of Me At Loblaws,

When I approached the express lane, the cashier had just finished ringing you through. "Can I get a bag... for free?" you asked with a grin. 'Obviously, you cannot', I thought. 'Who the hell do you think you are? You must be joking'. And I thought you were joking, so I leaned in and joked along.

"That's what I want too!" I said to both you and the cashier. I motioned to the guy behind me. "Can this guy get a free bag too?" You didn't even respond. Made me look like an idiot.

"Do you want a bag? I have to charge you five cents," came her government-mandated reply.

"No, I want one. For free."

"I can't just give you one," she replied.

"You're telling me if I came in here and bought two hundred dollars worth of stuff, you'd charge me five cents for a bag?" was your clever retort.

"Well..." She stammered, obviously forgetting her training from the session where they teach you how to respond to customers who still complain about paying for plastic bags. "It's not a store policy, it's the government - " 

"Okay!" you said. Okay, like, 'that's fine. I understand'. I assumed you'd pay, save the nickel for a hand job, gather your items in your cradled arms and be on your way. But, no! You took a stand against the injustice and walked away, leaving your items scattered on the belt and your transaction unfinished on the screen. You ignored our curious looks as you disappeared out the door. The supervisor had to come all the way over from the courtesy desk and type in her secret password so they could skip your shit and continue serving paying customers. What were you buying? Pepperettes, potatoes and ice cream? You didn't even want your damn Pepperettes, did you? You just wanted to cause a scene in the grocery store. I see how it is.

Well, I hope you feel better. Not only did you miss out on your lunch for your inability to a) part with a nickel or b) invest a dollar in a reusable cloth bag, the store got that five cents from me when I bought a bag five seconds later. You know why? I needed one. And I didn't assume a) rules don't apply to me and I should get one for free or b) people care to listen to me get on my soapbox and complain about something that has been a common practice for well over a year.

You're a dick.


PS - They charge you for extra dipping sauce at Burger King. Don't act so fucking surprised.


  1. We don't really have the Governmental bag practice here in Texas. We only have one chain that does that here. And their prices are so good it's not worth bitching about...but on the dipping sauce charge, I'm afraid I've got to disagree with you. I went to a Jack/box once and was given 1 free sauce for 20 nuggets. LOL. I wasn't about to pay the amount that would've equaled 15 more nuggets for sauces that should have been obviously required for the size of order I had just made. I asked, "in light of how many nuggets I had in my bag could an exception be made?" None was forthcoming. I didn't make a scene but I did speak to the manager about my disapproval. She went on to say it was a practice of the new owner. Well after speaking with the new owner, a new more reasonable approach to "in-store wasted sauces" was devised. Seems that they had to throw away a lot of sauces that were not used and it was hurting profit (not my problem). My theory was that a lot of people won't require extra sauces, but some people who are ordering off of the dollar menu are clearly on a budget and don't want to pay an additional 50% of their ticket price for an obviously valued necessity like nugget dipping sauces (these sentences are so cracking me up). My cashier was kind of a prick about it which is why I got out of the line and waited to speak to the manager. My "valued oppinion" was don't lose a customer over arguing about an additional dipping sauce. If a paying customer cares enough to speak up, then make him happy and consider his repeat business the profit that you so desperately don't want to lose. That unfortunate confrontation (if you want to call it that) could have been squashed in a matter of seconds by a more reasonable customer satisfaction policy. (which they now have. Thanks in part to me having a cool head with a very pursuasive debating track record, and to an owner who allowed logic and reason to prevail.)They now give one per 5 piece order, unless a customer ask for additional, then they charge $.50 (unless the customer gripes a little (then they keep him happy and keep the line moving).

    Anyway, good blog as usual Rodger....You might be inspiring me to start blogging again.


    1. Your comments are inspiring me to come back and write again. I haven't for a while and I miss it so much.