tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-80650941548501280992012-01-24T04:22:15.138-05:00RodgerjamesWhen you read a blog, you're reading every other blog that blog has come in contact with. Please read responsibly.RodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.comBlogger1281100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-82875348074457507252012-01-24T03:08:00.001-05:002012-01-24T03:08:33.356-05:00Teacher Caught With Pot
I had some thoughts about this article, which highlighted a 17-year old's plea to let his teacher keep his job after marijuana was found in the teacher's car. Of the teacher, he said:
"He talked, just talked, for whole class periods about the nature of life, as if it was a course in philosophy… he eventually would find a tangent and run with it. The class never got bored."
So, he was RodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-32133129584839041182012-01-18T18:01:00.000-05:002012-01-18T18:01:00.662-05:00The Upsize Surprise
Starting Monday, January 23, the names of our hot cup sizes will shift to accommodate our brand new 24oz Extra Large cup. For example, a large Double-Double will become a medium Double-Double.There isn't a change in the price or amount of beverage - it's only the name of the size that's changing. (via Tim Hortons)
Surprise! Time to get fucked at the drive thru, folks.
"Can I get a RodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-87244348854100747712012-01-17T01:12:00.019-05:002012-01-17T02:23:59.954-05:00Dearest Mr Akpan
*Special thanks to Heather for forwarding this email.*
From: Federick AkpanSubject: INTERESTED IN YOUR LATEST PRODUCTS
HELLO,
THIS IS TO INFORM YOUR STORE THAT:
WE ARE VERY MUCH INTERESTED IN YOUR LATEST PRODUCTS, WE ARE WILLING TO BUY LARGE QUANTITY OF YOUR PRODUCTS AND RESELL TO OUR RETAILERS HERE IN WEST AFRICA.
WE JUST NEED LITTLE SAMPLES OF YOUR LATEST PRODUCTS AND THEIR RodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-61167841557612686512012-01-10T23:54:00.003-05:002012-01-11T12:47:18.188-05:00What Are You Really Saying, Craigslist?
I've been scanning Craigslist for gigs - which I thought might be film or TV work, as I'm inclined to search for - and it seems that a lot of them are just thinly-veiled ads for sex slaves, cleaning ladies and cleaning lady sex slaves (the best of both worlds.)
Of course, you can't just say, "Does anybody want to fuck me and/or clean my house?" because that belongs in the personals section andRodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-14067254453525972162012-01-03T12:46:00.000-05:002012-01-03T12:46:46.066-05:00Entitled To Damages: VOL 3
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RodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-36507308418294385832011-10-25T17:44:00.000-04:002011-10-25T17:44:23.002-04:00Dear Guy: An Open Letter To A Dick
Dear Guy In Line In Front Of Me At Loblaws,
When I approached the express lane, the cashier had just finished ringing you through. "Can I get a bag... for free?" you asked with a grin. 'Obviously, you cannot', I thought. 'Who the hell do you think you are? You must be joking'. And I thought you were joking, so I leaned in and joked along.
"That's what I want too!" I said to both you and the RodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-43507716572045350552011-08-10T07:36:00.001-04:002012-01-17T03:08:47.406-05:00The Gas Pump: A Caution Notice Critique
This notice is posted on gas pumps everywhere so, if you’ve ever pumped gas, you’ve probably ignored it several times.
I know there’s a lot of information here and I know it can be overwhelming. Did I say overwhelming? I meant redundant. That’s why nobody reads it. It’s boring. They really should consider adding pictures.
First off, if you want to draw attention to RodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-73936566299313226962011-06-04T15:13:00.002-04:002011-08-10T01:28:17.395-04:00Inferring From Horoscopes
Aries: You're a fucking bore.
Cancer: You suck at your job.
Capricorn: You hate a lot of people.
Aquarius: you have anger management problems.
Gemini: You're a drama queen.
Leo: You're a stuck-up prick.
Libra: You have anger management problems.
Pisces: You're poor.
Sagittarius: You're repulsive.
Scorpio: You're lazy.
Taurus: You worry about too much shitRodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-18124218735712814612011-05-14T12:53:00.000-04:002011-05-14T12:53:35.000-04:00The Metro Editor Can Be Fired Any Day Now
You've got to be kidding me. The fact that this got to print is ridiculous, unacceptable, and ridiculously unacceptable. Who edits this shit? Were they on vacation? Or did they have more pressing issues than doing their job - spell-checking the newspaper - like determining the consistency of their lunch meat condiments? I'm thisclose to reading the Toronto Sun. Do you hear me? The fucking Sun. RodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-24807148154224357302011-04-02T15:17:00.010-04:002011-04-03T11:46:13.918-04:00Extreme Brand Loyalty
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mso-pagination:RodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-83825550153395555552011-03-16T16:24:00.010-04:002011-03-31T13:59:44.584-04:00Eff The Snapshot Discount
I just saw a commercial for Progressive Auto Insurance and they were hawking this product called Snapshot Discount.
What the hell is Snapshot Discount? Glad you asked.
Snapshot Discount is a program where you can save up to 30% on your car insurance. "Sweet," you say! "I drive a car and up to 30% is a lot! How does it work?"
Here’s how it works:
Plug the device into your car.
We’ll RodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com36tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-88545920631164968352011-03-01T01:19:00.001-05:002011-03-31T14:05:09.336-04:00Just Saying
Just Saying is a guest post by Graham Kent. Visit this hilarious bastard over at Speaking Of Segues.
Dr. Phil is on in the background because of the few channels I get, it's one that comes in the clearest and isn't a non-stop infomercial selling vacuums. It's just white noise while I work. Here's the story today.
A 17-year old girl is on the show. She got pregnant when she was 15, RodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-28810437966016821802011-02-01T11:56:00.003-05:002011-03-31T14:05:50.252-04:003 Recent Grievances
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TIM HORTONS BAGEL BELTI remember the first time I saw a billboard for the Bagel BELT. It was at Dundas and Sorauren. Bacon, egg, lettuce and tomato. BELT. Cute. And delicious for breakfast. So RodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-68553016017337029752011-01-28T00:13:00.004-05:002011-03-31T14:00:32.956-04:00Entitled To Damages: VOL 2
Why is it that, in this day and age, anytime you have a problem with someone or something, you can just sue the shit out of them?
Have you ever inadvertently walked into a mall fountain? You just may be Entitled To Damages.
ALLEGATION: Caty Cruz Marrero is questioning the professionalism of mall security workers after a video of her tumbling into a mall fountain while texting went RodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-72708657395598459442010-11-24T00:25:00.003-05:002010-11-24T00:35:08.781-05:00Dearest Dr John King
*Special thanks to Heather for forwarding this important message.*
From: john king
Subject: GOOD DAY,
My Dear,
I am Hon Dr John A King. I am the United Nations Presidential Task Force Chairman for Refugees here in Ghana. I here by pass this information to you that the Member of the Parliament is looking for God fearing person who can be the Ambassador to the African refugees. The meeting RodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-82536677714847016822010-11-11T00:21:00.004-05:002011-02-01T11:57:55.551-05:00Rodge Hodge Podge 4
Let's get this out of the way first and foremost...
Did everyone else know about this? I feel like such an idiot. He totally looks like a chubby, old Bill Murray! In my defense, I’ve never seen them side-by-side… well, except in Groundhog Day.
Shut up.
Yeah, shouldn’t your final resting place, a boring six-foot deep dirt grave with a headstone marking the site of your decaying RodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-30869048640475655682010-11-04T23:24:00.007-04:002010-11-08T23:59:31.157-05:00Just Me Being A Jerk1) Restaurant greetings - They used to say, “How can I help you?” or “What can I get for you?” A personal greeting. Not necessarily sincere, but direct nonetheless. At McDonalds I get, “Can I help who’s next?” As general as possible. Like a fucking cattle call. Clearly, I’m next. I’m at the front of the line.Sometimes, it’s “Can I help someone over here?” as they look around the lobby, waving to RodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-27662495743755198252010-11-04T00:02:00.006-04:002010-11-09T23:28:48.419-05:00Shooting For a RecordWith a headline like this:You're bound to pique my curiosity.The gunman who survived at least 21 bullet wounds in a Harlem shootout with cops probably broke a record, a forensic expert said Sunday. Probably broke a record? Awww, his mom would be so proud!But what kind of crappy record is that to break? Why does it even count as a record if it’s involuntary?(Then again, who would get shot RodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-78813227780511692602010-11-02T23:27:00.002-04:002010-12-02T17:26:33.879-05:00Right Before Cake Boss.I actually wrote this a while ago and decided it was too offensive to post. I've since decided I was right. Enjoy.
I was recently watching Little People, Big World on TLC because I’m a whore for reality TV. And midgets. And midget whores.
That reminds me! A friend of my sister's gave me a midget porn DVD for Christmas. She told me I could re-gift it. Eff that! I just mix it RodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-83468123499492434862010-10-28T21:23:00.001-04:002010-11-09T00:00:42.282-05:00Devouring The Double DownLast night, I got the new KFC Double Down. I had to satiate my curiosity; is the Double Down popular because it’s actually good? Or is it popular because people know how vile it is, but they have to try it because they’re fat, disgusting pigs?(I predicted the latter.)What the hell is a Double Down and what is it doing in our country?This testament to American obesity - and a terrible start to RodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-89740808587024464072010-10-23T13:30:00.000-04:002010-10-23T13:30:30.456-04:00And they put the fire out after? Pussy.RodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-75566729437761467852010-10-12T15:54:00.003-04:002010-11-09T00:01:37.950-05:006 Crappy Cancer ScaresIt seems that, in this germ-riddled and disease-rampant age, anything and everything will give you some form of cancer. You could try cutting these things out of your life and locking yourself in your house until the end of your natural life but I’m sure that isolation and watching too much daytime TV also causes cancer. Sorry about that.(Click images for article links.) Already linked with an RodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-16911549716855523312010-10-09T17:14:00.001-04:002010-11-09T00:02:01.361-05:00Rules of the Road in Toronto: VOL 2Dear Toronto Drivers,You suck. Well, most of you suck. Some of you are okay. But most of you suck.Over the past couple of months, I’ve had the pleasure of driving in and around our wonderful city a lot. I’ve also had the pleasure of listening to Adwoa do the traffic report on 102.1 The Edge. Now when she’s all, “Wesbound 401 jammed, take the in-town route, northbound 427 left lane closed, take RodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-51832671875891652352010-08-13T23:53:00.002-04:002010-11-09T00:02:21.928-05:00WTF News: Cops Rescue Marinating CatBuffalo police rescued a cat from a Cheektowaga man who apparently was planning to make a meal out of his pet because he thought it was ill-tempered, authorities said Monday. (via) And from the Toronto Star:Buffalo Police found Navarro inside Korkuc’s trunk during a traffic stop on Sunday night. I’m always amazed at the luck these police seem to have. That kind of thing happens on COPS all the RodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-69349756194511753922010-08-08T23:52:00.009-04:002010-11-09T00:03:05.645-05:009 People I Can Do Without1. Anyone who plugs their ears when the subway screeches really loudly – What are you, six years old?2. A mortgage broker with a lisp – They just don’t sound like they know what they're talking about.3. Anyone who says, “Oh my god! Did I tell you?” with this inflection as though I’m supposed to know what they’re talking about - I haven’t the faintest clue what you’re talking about.4. Old people RodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-7812001757377019392010-08-08T19:49:00.002-04:002010-08-09T22:55:14.014-04:00This Week In Idiots - VOL 3It's time for another round-up of half-wits! So many idiots, so little time to make fun of them all. Here we go:
Why would you hold your own mother hostage? Like your mother's going to be scared of you?
Maybe if I was robbing a bank and my mother happened to be there cashing a check or something... that’s the only reason I could think of. At least we would have something to talk about while RodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-80512634692574747692010-07-20T00:28:00.006-04:002010-11-09T00:03:42.694-05:00Who's Gassing The Geese?It amazes me that something as big as the BP oil disaster doesn’t get so much as a mention in the newspaper the day before it was capped but, on the front page of the paper - where historically the most important stories are printed so that, even if you can’t spare more than ten seconds to glance at a paper, you’ll get the gist of the good stuff – was this:Stop the presses! Most immigrants can’t RodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-83984397338905478912010-06-29T02:48:00.001-04:002010-11-09T00:03:58.445-05:00Why Do You Hate My Quesadillas?Okay first off, I have no more friends. I‘ve mentioned this recipe to probably a dozen people and every single one of them has told me it sounded disgusting without even bothering to try it.Even two friends who I would consider good cooks both hummed and hawed about it with out flat out saying, “Dude, that’s fucking sick.”Why? They didn’t even try it!Anyways, screw ‘em. I think it’s delicious. AsRodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-28149551367020194982010-06-28T20:50:00.015-04:002010-11-09T00:04:20.325-05:00The G20 Riot RoundupHey Toronto! We had an interesting weekend, didn’t we?In case you missed the G20 chaos downtown, here are some crazy videos and pictures.What with the protests and police abound, you’d hardly know that half of the worlds leaders were in town this weekend to discuss our future. Stephen Harper, Barack Obama, Angela Merkel and David Cameron: those guys really know how to incite a riot!Was North RodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-18343527978276088862010-06-14T10:20:00.003-04:002010-11-09T00:04:45.663-05:00Death of A Urinal A urinal shaped like a woman’s wide-open mouth has been flushed out of the men’s room of a Hamilton eatery following a nearly year-long public outcry. (via) The glossy, red-lipped loo at The Honest Lawyer restaurant sparked a letter-writing campaign that attracted almost 1,100 people, including Ontario’s NDP leader and Hamilton’s mayor.Ooooh, the mayor signed it? For one, the mayor of Hamilton RodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-33485495687542073972010-06-09T11:48:00.005-04:002010-11-09T00:05:03.937-05:00Now You Know: Steve Driver'Now you Know' is a (not-so) exciting new post, in which I'll touch on a recent news story about someone who, had they not been so stupid/crazy/funny/etc, you would have never heard of them. Let's go. Up this week is an actor from Porn Valley (who was coincidentally fully clothed and nowhere in the vicinity of a woman for his 15 minutes of fame.)LOS ANGELES – Police are looking for a porn RodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-12453393339327505802010-06-06T02:05:00.005-04:002010-11-09T00:05:31.403-05:00Entitled to DamagesWhy is it that, in this day and age, anytime you have a problem with someone or something, you can just sue the shit out of them?Have you walked into traffic and gotten hit by a car? You just may be Entitled To Damages.ALLEGATION: Plaintiff Lauren Rosenberg alleges she was following walking directions from Google Maps and got hit by a car. She's suing Google for $100, 000 (because, apparently, RodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-84065856240104008322010-06-04T01:25:00.003-04:002010-11-09T00:05:57.116-05:00Dave's BrotherI got a really distressing email the other day from someone I was pretty sure I didn’t know. The subject was “FW: VIRUS COMING?” so I took it pretty seriously. Even though whoever sentthis obviously didn’t, what with that awkward question mark (like they were yelling but they weren't really sure why.)It started:Whoa whoa, Dave who? I don’t know a Dave, and I certainly don’t know any Daves who RodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-52236247369913247142010-05-18T18:31:00.002-04:002010-11-09T00:06:41.745-05:00How I Met My BurgerI was visiting with some friends on a Saturday afternoon feeling a little peckish, so we decided to grab a burger from this little European restaurant down the street. We could have just walked down there and ordered it but -“Why don’t we call and order ahead so it will be ready when we get there?” Pondered one of us geniuses. (I don’t remember which one.)Actually, he was right. When we walk in, RodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-23167955656538816042010-04-30T02:04:00.037-04:002010-11-09T00:07:11.062-05:00The Rodge Hodge Podge 3I’ve been meaning to re-design this creative little stain on the blog community for a while and I found some interesting things along the way. Like this:Whoa whoa whoa! This is for blog designers? Blogblogblog. That’s enough work for now. Ah yes, let’s check Facebook! I’m so glad I installed the ad blocker. Now I don’t have to deal with crap like this.(Where is my girlfriend right now? Wait, my RodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-21741694946448592822010-04-25T15:37:00.005-04:002010-11-09T00:07:35.913-05:00Lessons For KidsYou know who can take a long walk off a short pier? Parents who help their kids sell chocolate bars for school fundraisers.First, kids order chocolate bars to sell for the fundraiser. They're supposed to sell them to family, friends, neighbours. Sometimes, out of desperation or genius, they'll hawk them to complete strangers outside a mall or plaza. They put in an a solid effort to sell those RodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-60600190594131391822010-04-23T01:22:00.019-04:002010-11-09T00:08:11.913-05:00A Quick Trip To The StoreWhen you're (I'm) too lazy or it's too late to go to the real grocery store, some of us (me) are glad to have a 24 hour Shoppers right down the street. The former and the latter often combine and we (I) end up doing a majority of grocery shopping here.I can’t stress this enough: get a basket at the front door. I stroll right past the front door baskets confident that they have more baskets in theRodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-4540506404627179842010-04-22T01:18:00.009-04:002010-11-09T00:09:27.620-05:00Our Sexy Animal KingdomAlthough it’s the shaky, night-vision bat equivalent of One Night In Paris, the best part of this article isn’t the video. It’s the video disclaimer that warns of hardcore bat on bat action.Watch out! You might see a flash of bat bush. This video is NOT for kids! Unless your kid already knows how bats fuck, in which case they can watch it if they want to.And what kind of tag is bat fellatio?Web RodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-45872194533411252522010-03-09T14:47:00.013-05:002010-11-09T00:10:18.081-05:00Married To a Roller CoasterAmy Wolfe, a US church organist who claims to have objectum sexuality, a condition that makes sufferers attracted to inanimate objects, plans to marry a magic carpet fairground ride. This follows a "courtship" of 3,000 rides over ten years with the 80ft gondola ride called 1001 Nachts. (via) Courtship? Wow. Some dates those would be!“I love him as much as women love their husbands and know we’ll RodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-20860979750269320192010-02-16T17:58:00.012-05:002010-11-09T00:10:41.594-05:00Your Horoscope For TodaySeriously, guys. I have a monkey statue that can tell the future.Trouble arises with a friend or relative. The position of Venus advises you to hide a dead fish somewhere in their house.A great opportunity will present itself later this month. You, as usual, won't see it coming and will let it completely pass you by.Luck is on your side this week, so blow your entire paycheck on lottery tickets. RodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-53309558683569980242010-02-10T11:32:00.007-05:002010-11-09T00:13:31.258-05:00Getting pizza... and other stuff.I had a hankering for pizza the other day. I rarely have hankerings anymore. I have inklings and penchants all the time but never a hankering, so I took full advantage of the situation.I send my brother a text: “Yeaaaahhhh, getting a pizza!!” because... well, what good is getting a pizza by yourself if you can’t brag about it to other people? Especially when they're going vegetarian for the monthRodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-12034360120422151302010-02-09T23:41:00.009-05:002010-11-09T00:14:08.474-05:00Guns, Onion Rings and Banned BooksAn irate Staten Island mom blasted a grade school principal Wednesday for treating her son like a pint-sized Plaxico Burress after he brought a 2-inch-long toy gun to school. (via)For those not in the know, Plaxico Burress is an NFL player currently serving two years for weapons charges. But he’s also black.So, a more accurate description of a ‘pint-sized Plaxico Burress’ is something like:RodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-15481611336187161642010-01-25T01:11:00.013-05:002010-04-24T15:35:43.683-04:00Health Canada Halts Upfront Drug DealsApparently, the government is owed a lot of money from medical marijuana users and has decided to implement a ‘purchase-in-advance’ system to curb non-payment of debts.
(Click article to enlarge.)
They want full payment in advance now? That's not a new idea. Haven’t drug dealers always worked like this? I highly doubt your local pot pusher would accept IOUs (especially not for over a million RodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-26624005619857109702010-01-24T00:36:00.011-05:002010-04-24T15:35:53.536-04:00This Week In Idiots - VOL. 2Here's a countdown of people who've been dropped on their head more times than they ought to have, including a couple of two-for-one bonus idiots. Calling them stupid would be an insult to stupid people.
(Click the photos for article links. Also be sure to visit the original post, This Week In Idiots.)
This one is a tie, and I’ll tell you why; first off, Hans and Alexander got good and drunk. RodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-40198606974391301372010-01-20T16:26:00.005-05:002010-04-24T15:36:04.072-04:00Rules of the Road in Toronto: VOL 1The problem with the rules of the road in Toronto is that there aren’t any. Oh, they put up a lot of signs. They look really nice. But no one really pays attention to them (Maybe that’s why there’s been nine fatal accidents in the past nine days around here. Or that there’s been 16 in 2010 already.)
No one pays attention the signs. Especially taxi drivers. If you happen upon a taxi in your RodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-80972955354354643572010-01-17T01:21:00.008-05:002010-11-09T00:14:32.035-05:00Speaking Gibberish With Janet YellenIt’s a widely-known fact – or at least it will be by the time you finish reading this sentence – that I express a particular distaste for people who, in the hopes of sounding infinitely smarter than they are, spout complete nonsense. (see related entry, What The Hell Does THIS Mean?)I stumbled across this article on Bloomberg.com about Janet Yellen - bank president, former governor, booooring – RodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-5354786037244157002010-01-05T02:01:00.009-05:002010-04-24T15:38:43.454-04:002010: A New Year's Rambling.Everyone’s had a few days to let that New Year’s Day hangover wear off by now, eh? My New Year’s resolution was to post this blog January 1st. Obviously, my 2009 resolution to stop procrastinating hasn’t really taken effect yet. Maybe tomorrow; there's some good stuff on TV today.
I was doing a little personal recap of 2009 the other day and checked out the box office totals for movie RodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-81112595539404368452009-11-28T15:12:00.002-05:002010-04-24T15:38:56.816-04:00News, Sex, Raccoons and Kebabs.When I watch the news, I can always expect a healthy dose of drama, peppered with politics, sports, weather and in some cases, a semi-attractive anchorwoman to ogle at in between stories.
What? You’ve never stared at some of those women on the local news and wondered what they looked like topless? They’re getting hotter, especially some of the field reporters. I mean, I could just watch Naked RodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-89265858435412075082009-10-17T13:20:00.004-04:002010-04-24T15:39:10.144-04:00Mustaches, Muppets and Moonmen.You're in New Jersey. You look back and see these three policemen.
You consider the fact that you may be on an LSD trip.
I wonder if they planned on the mustaches? Is that a group thing, or does one guy just do it and the others follow along? The look like they belong in a Monty Python sketch (This photo is also available to download in wallpaper size for extra creepiness.)
You know who elseRodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-52428516528822463082009-10-09T10:24:00.019-04:002010-04-24T15:40:35.305-04:00The Internet Intermittently SucksWe've become so reliant on the internet, there are several things online that we probably couldn't do without; email, Facebook, news, porn. Y'know, the basic essentials.
There are also many things we could happily do without. Shitty pop-up ads. Or that emoticon that goes, "HELLLOOOOOO!!" and scares the crap out of you at 1am.
Or raunchy personals ads like this one.
First, we have RodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-10920174637452103572009-09-13T01:00:00.014-04:002010-04-24T15:41:04.815-04:005 Alternate Ways To Get Famous
A lot of people aspire to be famous these days. Unfortunately, a lot of people are also talentless pieces of shit. Don’t worry, though. Lack of talent or contribution to the human race at all won’t stop you from becoming a celebrity. Here’s a helpful list of ways to skyrocket yourself to celebrity superstardom:
1. Be the relative of someone famous.
TOP CULPRITS: Ashlee Simpson, Nicky HiltonRodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-76646764745985792092009-09-01T17:33:00.008-04:002010-04-24T15:41:17.046-04:00IKEA Makes a Bold Move
If you haven't seen the new IKEA catalogue yet, you should pick it up. It's fantastic. It's probably the second best catalogue featuring Swedish models, next to Victoria's Secret. The only difference being that I've never fantasized about an IKEA spread. Not sexually, anyways.
Unless you've been living under a rock (which, let's face it... I have), you probably already know that IKEA changedRodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-80716183974381742442009-08-06T01:55:00.014-04:002010-04-24T15:41:33.761-04:00Cut It Out, VOL 1: SupercouplesYou know what I can do without? Several things. In fact, there are so many things that need to be eliminated from existence that if one were to accurately describe the amount, it would be somewhere in the range of a metric assload. Trust me, that's a lot.
I’m starting with this clever tabloid mixed-up name game. Celebrity portmanteau, if you will. I get bombarded with it every time I try to do RodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-42145270760668944522009-07-23T12:21:00.002-04:002010-04-24T15:41:44.802-04:00The $60 Lesson In StupidityI’m at the Laundromat last night, making sure my socks all come out of the washer. I put them in there in pairs, I’m damn sure gonna get them out of there in pairs. I toss the laundry in the dryer and chill out with The Watchtower.
I’m not the only one who reads this, right? Why do you think they even have The Watchtower at the Laundromat? They plant it there because they know people are bored RodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-66094704212897317522009-07-18T13:16:00.006-04:002010-04-24T15:41:55.992-04:00WTF Infomercial - Slap Chop
*If you'd like me to check out a WTF Infomercial, share it in the comments. Also, be sure to check out WTF Infomercial - The Snuggie and WTF Is The Seal Pelt.
The latest in what is sure to be a string of WTF Infomercials? The Slap Chop, starring Vince Shlomi (lol, Shlomi...)
"You’re gonna be in a great mood all day cuz you’re gonna be slapping your troubles away with the Slap Chop."RodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-54545841152065793772009-07-17T00:34:00.020-04:002010-04-24T15:42:11.148-04:00Sighting? Indeed.Hours after Michael Jackson passed away, some guy in England noticed an eerie image on the hood of his car.
"The obvious explanation is that it seems to be some sort of cloud formation that just happened at the time."
Yeah, that’s the obvious explanation. Good thing you mentioned it, or Michael Jackson fans the world over would be flocking to your house to get a glimpse of Michael Jackson's RodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-60184117150814562882009-07-06T01:29:00.009-04:002010-04-24T15:42:22.239-04:00The Rodge Hodge PodgeThe Rodge Hodge Podge is actually an updated - and more importantly, properly-spelled - version of the last blog that consisted of random thoughts tossed together, The Raj Haj Paj. Only now it doesn’t sound like an Indian dish.
The only EKG book I’ll ever need... and this is the fifth edition? When are you guys going to get this shit right?
“Okay, really seriously this time, we’ve figured itRodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-58678223597163988112009-06-27T11:42:00.012-04:002010-04-24T15:42:33.323-04:00Watch Out For CheetosI ran across this story the other day from Shelbyville, TN.
Authorities said a couple got into a fight using Cheetos. The Bedford County Sheriff's Department said a 40-year-old man and 44-year-old woman became involved in a 'verbal altercation.' Somehow, the orange puffy snacks were used in the assault.
Man, reclined in chair - "Pass me my Cheetos, woman."
Woman, slaving over a hot stove – "RodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-50313062931616347952009-06-20T00:39:00.006-04:002010-04-24T15:42:49.156-04:00Going Up? Not Likely.I stumbled across this Toronto Star debate musing diatribe piece on how many balloons it would take to lift a house, inspired by the new Pixar film Up.
My favourite part? “This left several readers wondering: Just how many balloons would it take to lift a house?”
Really? Did you get a lot of emails from readers, wondering how they could lift their house with balloons? Did you have people RodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-37004107235584568662009-06-13T02:03:00.011-04:002010-04-24T15:43:03.531-04:00My Stanley Cup HighlightsSo, the Penguins kicked some ass in Game 7 tonight. Well, it was only 2-1 so they kicked just enough ass. Speaking of ass, this guy was definitely checking out Crosby's.
Don’t you love it when hockey players fall down? I love it. Especially when it’s for no apparent reason, they just trip up and fall down.
I just find that hilarious. It’s like a golfer getting a 15 on a par 3.
I was RodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-47991581471453673852009-06-12T18:43:00.010-04:002010-04-24T15:43:51.023-04:00Even More Shitty Facebook AdsI don't think they can get any worse. They just still exist.
For a cake decorating service, these people sure mention murder a lot...
Unless there’s a little Inspector Gadget-style helicopter hidden in there, I have my doubts that this messenger bag will make your commute any faster.
"Get your G2 license now! Well, not right now... like, you still have to take the course. And book the RodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-11180143328833493092009-06-07T21:29:00.015-04:002010-04-24T15:44:07.969-04:00The Raj Haj PajThe Raj Haj Paj is actually a quick list of stupid things I need to get out, seeing as how I haven't written anything of substance in well over a month. But doesn’t it sound like a delicious mix of Indian dishes? Mmmmm. Raj haj paj.
*Although I don’t really spell my name Rajah but, as long as I do here, it would be silly to call it the Raj Hodge Podge. And I'd go ahead and spell it Rodger like RodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-64068731202857469342009-05-24T17:05:00.012-04:002010-04-24T15:44:23.871-04:00Bread Heels & Ringtones: A RantYou know who I feel bad for? The end crusts in a loaf of bread. Bread heels. Now, if you were to argue that bread heels are more ‘what’ than ‘who’, I say hey - bread heels are people too.
Okay, not really.
Let’s be honest… who likes the bread heels? Nobody. Nobody likes them. Even when mentioning this to a friend, she said, "Eww, I don't eat those. I give them to my dog." And anyone who says RodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-45777173910554862772009-05-03T17:12:00.008-04:002010-04-24T15:44:34.890-04:00Questionable ReportingI ran across this brief in the Metro the other day.
Do they really have to mention that police are treating the death as suspicious? Is this as opposed to when they usually find a baby stuffed inside a plastic bag, which is classified as 'a completely normal way to dispose of unwanted babies'?
Now, If the bag was found between two homes, you have to bet that the bag came from one of the two RodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-36763675497530625312009-05-01T00:48:00.009-04:002010-04-24T15:44:50.456-04:00Phone Numbers and Pizza.I’ll tell you what needs to happen. People need to stop spelling their phone numbers with words. Everyone is upgrading to a QWERTY keyboard, so the helpfulness of you switching your numbers to letters has been, much like Jazzy Jeff’s career after The Fresh Prince of Bel Air, rendered completely obselete.
Now when you want to dial something stupid like 1-800-PIZZA-4U, you actually have to RodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-57929626448418967162009-04-17T13:51:00.004-04:002010-04-24T15:44:58.756-04:00Quicklink - How Mark Cassidy Died.Today's blog, a quick blog that's not so much a blog because I don't have time to write a blog worthy of blogging - jesus, that word just doesn't make any sense. I know what it means... it just has no real world value. Fuckin' blogs. Good luck in the recession.
Anyways, a quick WTF for the day.
From Plime: comedian Mark Cassidy died after accidentally overdosing on laughing gas while watching RodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-13785016751635772542009-04-14T16:18:00.016-04:002010-04-24T15:45:10.093-04:00A Guide To Canadian BillsCanadian bills have the advantage of being different colours so A) you can find the proper amount when you’re piss-loaded drunk and B) so other countries will think we’re gay.
THE FIVE
Who’s on it? - Wilfrid Laurier
When you're drunk, you know 'the blue one with kids playing hockey on it' is a $5, and that's how much a beer is.
‘Spocking’ a five is also popular because, with the right RodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-64454161481779042492009-04-07T10:32:00.003-04:002010-04-24T15:45:22.581-04:00WTF is the Sealpelt?Aw, c’mon… what the hell? Did a Snuggie fuck a seal?
Read the story behind this fabric monstrosity.
For you lazy tarts (which is probably everyone), here’s a short synopsis: A farmer finds a seal pelt. Then he finds a naked woman. He marries the woman. They have kids. She finds the seal pelt, puts it on and dives into the ocean. She never comes back. The end.
That's right… the farmer fucked RodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-8125421484979273102009-04-06T21:30:00.010-04:002010-04-24T15:45:31.593-04:00This Week In IdiotsSometimes, there just aren't enough IQ points to divvy up between everybody. Here are four people who fell short.
4) Sub-par Sandwich Retaliation
This crazy bastard attacked his girlfriend with a knife.
Why?
The reason for the assault, cops say, was a poorly made meatball sandwich. Specifically, the cheese placement was all wrong, which infuriated Toppin. "That was the catalyst," police RodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-50783464502078288752009-04-02T13:27:00.013-04:002010-04-24T15:45:43.266-04:00Baseball Goes Overboard
Looking through the Blue Jays playing schedule this year, I noticed they have three different types of home games. Regular home game, Premium home game, and - not to be outdone - Super Premium home game.
What the fuck is going on here? Can't we just watch baseball anymore?
I imagine the Mets will probably host Super Duper Extra Special Premium home games, and word has it the Mariners have RodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-46055540347792736032009-03-31T01:41:00.025-04:002010-04-24T15:46:04.131-04:00A Guide To Canadian CoinsThe penny is brown. It looks like a little piece of rust. If you’ve gotten them back in your change, you know they also smell like cold shit. The penny has a maple leaf branch on it and, if I’m seeing it correctly, the shadow on the bottom of the branch indicates it has been severed from the tree.
Awesome. First up in Canadian currency: dead plants.
You know that 'take a penny, leave a penny' RodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-25441304043973199642009-03-28T17:43:00.012-04:002010-04-24T15:46:16.884-04:00Snuggies Are Soooo Yesterday.A couple months ago, I wrote a blog on how ridiculous the Snuggie is (check it out.) I didn't think fashion retardation could be topped after that.
I was wrong. What could be better than looking like you're in a cult, you ask? Just take a shot in the dark. Did you say a dress that fits over your couch?
Ten points if you did.
(Heck, even if you said three-legged race track pants, you'd get RodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-5481452607256974782009-03-25T23:27:00.011-04:002010-04-24T15:46:30.176-04:00Important News TodayI read the Metro on the way in to work this morning. Thought I'd share some of the important news. (Quotes are from the paper.)
"Grimace does some marketing work yesterday through a spring storm in Dieppe, N.B. About 10 centimetres of snow fell overnight in the Moncton area, where schools were closed yesterday morning, primarily due to blinding snow and poor visibility."
Grimace, what the hell RodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-18696183306509384212009-03-23T23:03:00.004-04:002010-04-24T15:46:41.280-04:00Fast & Furious returnsI'm kind of excited to see this, if only for the fact that they brought the original cast back (except Jesse, that guy was totally gunned down by Johnny Tran.)
PROS: Original cast. Hot women. Hot cars.
CONS: They've made this movie three times before. It's going to suck major balls.
First, check out the trailer.
And then, on April 3rd, watch out for kids doing burnouts in their parents RodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-42001740119086890942009-03-23T14:53:00.004-04:002010-04-24T15:46:58.050-04:00Recession Jobs: StripperIf you're feeling the effects of this recession and are looking for a job, I caught this stripper job fair on CNN the other day.
They say they're looking to fill around 30 positions, from strippers and waitresses to disc jockeys and bartenders
The CNN reporter said they were also looking for 'back of the house staff'. To which the news anchor giggled and said, “I don’t know what that means.”
RodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-81640975630928599732009-03-23T02:09:00.005-04:002010-04-24T15:47:08.380-04:00Ladders while you wait.Here's a little-known fact: I worked at Wal Mart in high school, and all through college. Actually, probably a well-known fact. Especially to my family, friends and anyone who just read that sentence (If you jumped into this story mid-paragraph, you totally missed the set-up.)
I used to sneak into HR and take blank name badges and sheets of letters, so all my co-workers and I would have RodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-92004263059550830232009-03-17T00:52:00.014-04:002010-04-24T15:47:18.157-04:00More Shitty Facebook AdsMonths ago, I wrote about facebook ads that pissed me off. Luckily, they keep getting worse and supplying me with more content. Enjoy.
More then me? Your spelling is atrocious. At least my grammar skills are up to par with that of a broken tractor. Lotsa luck, dumbass.
Try to beat today's high score? Don’t you people have jobs? Who the hell is sitting around wasting their time with this shitRodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-36417298664377782292009-03-12T00:26:00.009-04:002010-04-24T15:47:32.999-04:00My Epic Tax TaleI decided to get my taxes done last Saturday. I go to H&R Block, I go, "Do I need an appointment?" She says no. I go, "Okay, I want to just do a simple refund," and pull out my papers. She goes, "well, there are two people ahead of you. Do you want to come back around 5:00? I can take your name." I'm like, "Isn't that an appointment?" That’s 1.
So I go for lunch. I wanna grab some Harvey’s.
IRodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-51543916938367496132009-03-10T00:05:00.018-04:002010-04-24T15:47:43.383-04:0010 Obscure Songs On My iPodSometimes I go through my ipod and think, "Why the hell is this on here? WTF was I thinking?!" Here are the top ten most recent songs that elicited this response and their WTF-OMETER rating (Titles link to YouTube videos where available.)
1. Du Bist ein Wunder (Wolfgang Petry)
Link is to live version. Cool early 90's German singer. Some guys in high school used this song in a movie, along with RodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-82034451512164068032009-03-08T14:16:00.003-04:002010-04-24T15:48:02.160-04:007 Things People Like Getting Their Pictures With1. DRUNK PEOPLE PASSED OUT
They can’t help but smugly point out that they’re sober enough to enjoy the humour of the situation but drunk enough to act like an asshole about it.
2. CARS
This includes a whole range of ‘standing beside car’ pictures. One of the popular ones is their new car.
“Check out my sweet 95 Tercel. It has air conditioning.”
Then there's cars that aren’t theirs.
(RodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-76902439924458715802009-03-05T01:21:00.005-05:002010-04-24T15:48:13.250-04:00Come Get My Maxims
The past two times I've moved, I've had a couple boxes of Maxim/Stuff magazines that I collected. Why the hell would I keep these? Maybe I thought they would be worth something. Maybe I couldn't bear to part with something I invested so much time and money in. Or maybe I thought I might re-read them someday. But now the boxes just sit in my room taking up space and it's annoying the hell out ofRodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-39835232588461102682009-03-03T23:12:00.007-05:002010-04-24T15:48:26.750-04:00Cape Breton Loves the McDonalds Turkey BLTWho remembers this commercial?
This commercial was shot in Cape Breton and features local yokels waxing delicious about the new McDonald’s deli sandwiches. Take a good look at this kid.
This kid steals the fucking show in this commercial.
“I like the bacon in the sandwich. It just tastes really good."
And he keeps looking back and forth at the sandwich, trying to make sure that no one RodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-27966586760225719272009-03-03T01:27:00.004-05:002010-04-24T15:49:03.017-04:00Cosmo, KFC & Oreos.I was reading Cosmo this past weekend when I was visiting my parents (fuck you, I read Cosmo sometimes) and they had this article called How To Stretch Your Clothes.
Your checking account may have taken a hit, but that doesn’t mean your wardrobe has to suffer. These insider tips will maximize what’s already in your closet.
Okay, saving money on clothes. That’s cool. As you can see, this shirt RodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-52026836328627147832009-02-26T21:54:00.014-05:002010-04-24T15:49:16.765-04:00What The Hell Does THIS Mean?Check out this job description I came across:
“Program Manager – lead complex cross-functional projects and programs with a focus on business process re-design, and systems implementation. Works with account teams to coordinate segment trade activity sets (via Account Planning System) to monitor and report alignment to the Shopper Conversion calendar, channel/customer conflict, as well as RodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-86636241211509253912009-02-23T22:40:00.021-05:002010-04-24T15:49:27.465-04:00The Oscar HighlightsRather than copy and paste a list of nominees, winners, losers, best dressed, most and least fuckable stars on the red carpet at the show this year (PS - least is Sophia Loren), I want to do a quick rundown of some of my personal Oscar moments.
1. Ryan Seacrest interviews the Slumdog Millionaire kids.
"Because we're short on time and i can't pronounce all these names, let me hold up the, uh...RodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-17586470869256785292009-02-20T22:58:00.009-05:002010-04-24T15:49:45.939-04:00Blackberries and Bastard PeachesA few weeks ago, my brother came to town to see a Kevin Smith Q&A. We hung out for the day before the show and, as much fun as we had, I had to draw the line when he ate what I thought was the last donut (It turns out there were eight more in the box that I hadn't bothered checking.)
*No reason to blur that, I don't think.
While he was here, aside from eating all the dounts (that rat bastard)RodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-16177366012987930482009-02-16T22:16:00.004-05:002010-04-24T15:50:03.191-04:00Fingers & ThumbsRoger Ebert uses the thumbs up/thumbs down method when reviewing movies.
However, Roger Ebert also looks a lot like Sally Jessie Raphael, so I call his credibility (and sexuality) into question. Therefore, I've decided to present Fingers & Thumbs.
Things I dig, thumbs up. Things that are pissing me off can have a big helping of fuck you.
FINGERS
ROGERS CENTRE
I don’t want to call the RodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-65146482062995029992009-02-14T16:43:00.010-05:002010-04-24T15:50:13.175-04:0040 Easy Steps For Crossing The Border
1. Allow your friends to convince you that you don’t need a passport to cross into the USA.
2. Drive to the Fort Erie – Buffalo border.
3. Present driver’s license and cross into USA (This was the easy part.)
4. Head to Anchor Bar, famous for inventing buffalo wings. Devour the wings.
5. Realize no one has a credit card, argue whether they take Canadian money, try to find an ATM, then pay in RodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-8990968722752486812009-02-11T03:22:00.003-05:002010-04-24T15:50:25.061-04:00The Karma StorySometimes, karma can be a bitch. Then, other times, karma can be that cute girl next door that you secretly watch undress through the window.
She was more like the latter for me today.
On the way to work, I noticed two clearly lost guys looking at a map and awkwardly pointing in random directions. I could have stopped to help them, but I didn’t.
Minus one point.
Later on, I walked down to RodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-4458112226534842922009-02-09T01:38:00.014-05:002010-04-24T15:50:37.574-04:00Stupid iPhone AppsI’m thinking of getting an iPhone. The price doesn't really bother me. What really bothers me is some of the useless, pointless, ridiculously retarded apps that you can download or - for people whose intellect is lower than their shoe size - actually spend money on.
Here's a list of stupid apps that I've run across so far (Rest assured there will be more.)
The coins in iPhone will flip just RodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-64277401158357014972009-02-07T00:53:00.010-05:002010-04-24T15:50:49.363-04:00Indoor Bungee and Sundry Other Items.I heard of this when I was at West Edmonton Mall.
Who the hell bungee jumps indoors? That doesn’t sound safe at all. That sounds downright dangerous.
Actually, worse for this guy:
A 75-year old Montana man is lucky to be alive after his homemade indoor bungee jump rig, which was tethered to support beams in the ceiling, brought his entire home crashing to the ground.
Okay. I can’t even RodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-42860852193454033562009-02-02T23:39:00.013-05:002010-04-24T15:51:01.686-04:00Monday Night MusingsYou know in Japan, they have something called 'lamp fights'?
I guess it's like UFC. Except, with flourescent lightbulbs.
Honestly.
What the fuck is wrong with these people?! That’s the batshit craziest thing I’ve ever seen.
Except for this hillbilly tax company commercial.
I bet the doofus Steve Urkel accountant got six bucks for this gig.
You know what?
Just the other day, I RodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-16349350663907379032009-02-02T01:34:00.009-05:002010-04-24T15:51:13.119-04:00Matt Has Babies!I know yesterday, I joked about being a dad. Which makes today's news kind of funny.
I was invited to a Superbowl get-together by a buddy from work, and was all set to get drunk. And I get woken by a text message from him this morning. “So, about that superbowl party… the babies decided to come early – two girls!”
His wife gave birth to twin girls today. Superbowl babies? Hell yeah! That's RodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-47630004339768618982009-02-01T00:07:00.010-05:002010-04-24T15:51:29.743-04:00Good Work, Mac Genius.A couple weeks ago, I was left guessing at the Apple Store and decided I needed to clear up confusion over the hierarchy of Store employees. Needless to say, I was being my regular douchebag self and only meant it in jest.
Earlier this week, my laptop hard drive decided it wanted to die. It commited a slow suicide. It even left a note, "Dear Sir, You drove me to this. Please stop watching so RodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-36348643096976650262009-01-27T03:12:00.004-05:002010-04-24T15:51:41.993-04:00Crack Spiders, Snakes & Lights For Jerks.I’m doing my part for the environment and spreading this video about spiders.
The Hinterland Who’s Who website is actually www.hww.ca. What’s with all the W’s? That’s like a website called www.wwwdotcom.com.
(And you don’t need to check if that’s a real website. Cuz I did. And it is. But unfortunately, it’s about as anti-climactic as a dyslexic prostitute.)
Have you ever found animals RodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-85510297107614222312009-01-21T01:41:00.013-05:002010-04-24T15:51:54.095-04:00Procter, Gamble, Silex & Pizza.There’s Procter & Gamble. And Procter Silex. But they’re different Procters. Whatever happened to Silex? Did Procter muscle him out? I don’t see that guy as often as I used to.
But that could also be because I don’t really have a reason to go down the kitchen appliances aisle.
And hey… why does the alarm go off when I’m walking into Wal Mart? I just got here! I couldn’t have stolen anything.RodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-35146888116581595082009-01-18T23:51:00.013-05:002010-04-24T15:52:03.543-04:00Apples, Porn and Pepsi Wars.I went to the Apple store to get a pair of headphones the other day. Good luck trying to pay for anything in there. They have tables full of iPod and computer displays, all being used by kids who are too poor to afford them. And a Genius Bar at the back, being used by people who are too stupid to load music on their new iPod. No cash register.
I had to ask the girl at the front door. "This RodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-55546682909582302012009-01-16T01:53:00.006-05:002010-04-24T15:52:12.826-04:00Is It In Poor Taste To Title This 'House Of Pain'?(01-13) 18:13 PST SAN RAFAEL -- At least 34 people committed suicide last year by jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge, according to figures released Tuesday by the Marin County coroner's office. The total was one more than in 2007, the coroner said.
(The coroner was also quoted as saying, "Look, we beat our record," then awkwardly laughing at his offensive joke.)
There were at least 29 suicidesRodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8065094154850128099.post-20783855920861964182009-01-14T10:07:00.004-05:002010-04-24T15:52:26.126-04:00Nobody comes to my door anymore.And, frankly, I’m concerned.
Are all the Girl Guides dead? Why haven’t I see any cookies in like, five years?
God, I miss the vanilla ones. My kingdom for a vanilla Girl Guide cookie (probably fair to mention my kingdom includes a lot of dirty laundry and a couple burnt out lightbulbs.)
And what happened to the Jehovah’s Witnesses? Do they just leave a few copies of The Watchtower at the RodgerJameshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09659232108399073053noreply@blogger.com4