What Are You Really Saying, Craigslist?

I've been scanning Craigslist for gigs - which I thought might be film or TV work, as I'm inclined to search for - and it seems that a lot of them are just thinly-veiled ads for sex slaves, cleaning ladies and cleaning lady sex slaves (the best of both worlds.)

Of course, you can't just say, "Does anybody want to fuck me and/or clean my house?" because that belongs in the personals section and, gross! Only creepy people post there. You say, "Young entrepreneur looking for a female friend." Sounds a little more like it could be a job for just the right whore girl.

Only sometimes they're open to interpretation by assholes like me. Case in point:

Entitled To Damages: VOL 3

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Dear Guy: An Open Letter To A Dick

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

The Gas Pump: A Caution Notice Critique

This notice is posted on gas pumps everywhere so, if you’ve ever pumped gas, you’ve probably ignored it several times.

Inferring From Horoscopes

The Metro Editor Can Be Fired Any Day Now

 

You've got to be kidding me. The fact that this got to print is ridiculous, unacceptable, and ridiculously unacceptable. Who edits this shit? Were they on vacation? Or did they have more pressing issues than doing their job - spell-checking the newspaper - like determining the consistency of their lunch meat condiments? I'm thisclose to reading the Toronto Sun. Do you hear me? The fucking Sun.

Extreme Brand Loyalty

There’s no shortage of companies offering discounts or cash for their customers’ undying loyalty and Ecko has just joined the game. Are you still wearing Ecko? Are you still paying full price for it? If you answered yes to those questions, you’re an idiot and, being an idiot, you obviously haven’t heard of Ecko’s Branded For Life campaign.

8 Crappy Gmail Labs

Gmail Labs is a testing ground for experimental features that aren't quite ready for primetime. They may change, break or disappear at any time.

I hope these ones change, break or disappear soon because I hate them.

Eff The Snapshot Discount

I just saw a commercial for Progressive Auto Insurance and they were hawking this product called Snapshot Discount.

What the hell is Snapshot Discount? Glad you asked.

Just Saying