Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Would You Survive?

This quiz was designed to give you a rough estimate of how you would fare in a fight against a number of different animals. Here’s my results:

I take comfort in the knowledge that I am guaranteed to win in a battle with a housecat. Especially if it’s a battle to the death. I imagine it has nothing to do with my incredible reflexes or ability to withstand the pain of sharp claws digging into my flesh. It probably has more to do with my drop-kicking skills. I don’t have any formal training, but rest assured I’d drop-kick that thing through the nearest window (On that same note, I’m glad they didn’t include “small dog” here. I think the fact that they would also fall victim to insane drop-kicking skills is a given. In the case of Pomeranians, I would go for distance.)

Actually looking at the list, I figure the only time I’ll ever encounter most of these animals would be at the zoo. And if my chances of surviving at the zoo are the same as surviving in the wild, there’s something terribly wrong with the fences at the zoo.

If I even went to the beach and encountered a shark, I would indeed welcome a savage mutilation, due to the fact that I’m dumb enough to swim in shark-infested waters. That’s their home. I would be pissed if a shark just up and walked into my house uninvited, so I’m sure the same rule applies to them.

If however, I were to see a shark at the zoo and the aquarium were to shatter, sending killer sharks toward me, I would spring into action and use my highly specialized skill of breathing air to outwit the shark. Considering the fact that breathing air isn’t one of the shark’s specialties, I’m confident I could kick ass here.

Another problem I have with this so-called quiz: “human” is a vague term. I think my chances would be vastly different when faced with Tito Ortiz as opposed to an elderly obese man on a Hoverround scooter. I could also kick a baby’s ass, so my chances there would shoot right up to 100%.

I guess the whole point I’m trying to make here is that they misspelled predatory, which unfortunately makes me question the credibility of the whole thing.

That, in turn, makes me worry that a common housecat could indeed kick my ass.

PS – this eavesdropping little bastard has been staring at me this entire time. I wish he would go away forever and ever.

No comments:

Post a Comment