Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Flying From O'Hare To Pearson

We all board and the captain comes on the intercom: “Ladies and gentlemen, we just have a minor maintenance issue before we take off. We seem to be missing a couple of bolts on one of the wheels so we’re gonna try and take care of that.”

Friday, December 19, 2008

Photoshop, Trucks and Gun Control

I hate it when this happens.

Photoshop freezes and the program won't quit. I tried the old force quit, the awkward option+apple+esc combo. That didn’t work. I thought force quit was in case the program was frozen? Well, guess what? It's frozen. Maybe I should have used "super extra double actually serious this time" quit.



I don't know the key combination for that, though.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Marathons, Peanut Butter and Masturbating Santa


Whoa whoa whoa.

Where does 24 get off having a two-night season premiere? Are we to believe this one episode is as epic as Titanic? I thought a premiere was just the first episode?

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Seriously, Why Am I Up?

I was recently sent a message by a reader. For security's sake, I'll call her Marina (Can you see me winking at you, Marina? Because no one knows that's actually your real name).

Marina was kind enough to let me know that she agreed with my random thought the other day, vis-a-vis iTunes updating more than the fucking weather channel.

Monday, December 8, 2008

Cartoon Crush - Volume I

I have a crazy confession. And not the fact that sometimes in private, I stand in front of the mirror and pretend I’m kicking ass onstage at a karaoke bar. I think that’s widely accepted as fact.

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Dear NBC: I Hate You.

I get this little gem flash on the screen from time to time when I'm online:



Really? That’s awesome. Because that’s exactly what you’re supposed to be doing. No need to tell me every little mundane action you perform. Just keep ads from popping up and keep your mouth shut about it. Thanks, Firefox.

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Thursday Nights Are For Eating Rice Krispie Squares and Watching YouTube Videos.

Or so goes the legend.
So it was only appropriate that I did just that last Thursday with a couple good friends. Below are some fantastic videos we watched that were too good not to share, including some comments by us dudes. On a lazy afternoon, I highly suggest relaxing and watching them. And then taking a nap. ‘Cuz who naps anymore? I miss naps.

Thursday, November 27, 2008

My Favourite Bus Driver

Whenever I take the bus, I try to make a point of thanking the driver for the ride. The dude sits behind a giant wheel driving a bunch of thankless fucks around town in a vehicle the size of a city block. If he wanted to kill you, he totally could.

Monday, November 24, 2008

Sombody Couldn't Be Bothered To Title This

Probably because it has no theme whatsoever. But here are my random thoughts for the day.

Friday, November 14, 2008

Adventures Of The Garbage 'Coons


I saw some raccoons the other day, rummaging through the garbage behind Pizza Pizza. And it was weird because it wasn’t even dark. It was broad daylight and these ballsy little bandits were just doing their thing, not giving a shit about the people passing by. Mike and I tried to get closer and closer but, when people walking by saw the raccoons, every one of them jumped and ran like they had seen a ghost.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Anthony Michael Is A Stupidhead

You can check out the full article here, but long story short: this guy Anthony Michael is suing classmates.com for duping him into thinking people from high school were searching for him. You know these ads you see pretty much everywhere?

(P.S. He was way too good for her.)

Monday, November 3, 2008

The Most Rotten Tomato

I can’t remember the last time I saw a movie I was disappointed with. I mean, before this past weekend. This was a record-breaker. This weekend, I saw two.

Monday, October 27, 2008

Sex Toys, Bank Robbers and Mustaches

This is the Titty Blow Masturbator.



(FYI, clicking the picture will also take you straight to the site. It’s funnier that you find out now, rather than before you actually clicked it.)

Friday, October 24, 2008

The RC Forklift

After seeing the joy on Mike’s face when he flew his RC helicopter around at work, I knew I had to get in on the next order from ThinkGeek.com. I wanted an RC something-or-other. Maybe a car. Or a plane. Or a boat, except I doubt they’d let me fill the sink to play with my RC boat at lunchtime.

Friday, October 17, 2008

Monday, October 6, 2008

In Other News: Dresden Is Slow

I hope you're sitting down. If you're not, I'll give you a second. And in that second, I'll wonder why you weren't sitting down in the first place. But anyways, you are now? Okay.

You remember Dresden? No? Me neither.

Friday, September 12, 2008

ON NOTICE

Following is a list of people/things that are currently* pissing me off.
*This list will almost certainly change daily.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Facebook Ads

Back in the day – the day being sometime in October 2006,when I joined Facebook – there were no ads. However, as life teaches us all, there is no such thing as a free ride. Facebook doesn’t get a free ride either. I think all those photos, videos, Booze Mail drinks, sexy gifts and sundry other stupid applications take up some space on the internet and the internet wasn’t storing all this ridiculous shit for free.

Monday, July 28, 2008

Ghost Story

The other night, I woke up from a dream and saw a tall man with a grey beard standing in the hallway, staring into my room. He looked like Roberts Blossom, the scary old guy from Home Alone.



Friday, July 25, 2008

Historic Microwave

Recently, my parents’ old microwave died. It was about damn time. When I say old, I mean really old. They’ve had the same microwave since I was born. In fact, I think it used to be my great grandmother’s and she left it to my mom in her will, with a delightful story about how she stood in line at Sears & Roebuck to buy it for a nickel.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Would You Survive?

This quiz was designed to give you a rough estimate of how you would fare in a fight against a number of different animals. Here’s my results:

Sunday, July 20, 2008

Movie Review - The Dark Knight



I was reluctant to see it right away because I knew how crazy the crowds would be, but I'm glad I saw it opening day. I realized how much more enthused people are about an opening. Very rarely do I hear applause and cheering after a film, let alone DURING. It just makes for a more enjoyable experience.