Tuesday, March 31, 2009

A Guide To Canadian Coins

The penny is brown. It looks like a little piece of rust. If you’ve gotten them back in your change, you know they also smell like cold shit. The penny has a maple leaf branch on it and, if I’m seeing it correctly, the shadow on the bottom of the branch indicates it has been severed from the tree.
Awesome. First up in Canadian currency: dead plants.

Saturday, March 28, 2009

Snuggies Are Soooo Yesterday.

A couple months ago, I wrote a blog on how ridiculous the Snuggie is (check it out.) I didn't think fashion retardation could be topped after that.

I was wrong. What could be better than looking like you're in a cult, you ask? Just take a shot in the dark. Did you say a dress that fits over your couch?

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Important News Today

I read the Metro on the way in to work this morning. Thought I'd share some of the important news. (Quotes are from the paper.)

Monday, March 23, 2009

Fast & Furious returns

I'm kind of excited to see this, if only for the fact that they brought the original cast back (except Jesse, that guy was totally gunned down by Johnny Tran.)

Recession Jobs: Stripper

If you're feeling the effects of this recession and are looking for a job, I caught this stripper job fair on CNN the other day.

They say they're looking to fill around 30 positions, from strippers and waitresses to disc jockeys and bartenders

The CNN reporter said they were also looking for 'back of the house staff'. To which the news anchor giggled and said, “I don’t know what that means.”

Ladders while you wait.

Here's a little-known fact: I worked at Wal Mart in high school, and all through college. Actually, probably a well-known fact. Especially to my family, friends and anyone who just read that sentence (If you jumped into this story mid-paragraph, you totally missed the set-up.)

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

More Shitty Facebook Ads

Months ago, I wrote about facebook ads that pissed me off. Luckily, they keep getting worse and supplying me with more content. Enjoy.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

My Epic Tax Tale

I decided to get my taxes done last Saturday. I go to H&R Block, I go, "Do I need an appointment?" She says no. I go, "Okay, I want to just do a simple refund," and pull out my papers. She goes, "well, there are two people ahead of you. Do you want to come back around 5:00? I can take your name." I'm like, "Isn't that an appointment?" That’s 1.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

10 Obscure Songs On My iPod

Sometimes I go through my ipod and think, "Why the hell is this on here? WTF was I thinking?!" Here are the top ten most recent songs that elicited this response and their WTF-OMETER rating (Titles link to YouTube videos where available.)

Sunday, March 8, 2009

7 Things People Like Getting Their Pictures With

1. DRUNK PEOPLE PASSED OUT

They can’t help but smugly point out that they’re sober enough to enjoy the humour of the situation but drunk enough to act like an asshole about it.



Thursday, March 5, 2009

Come Get My Maxims



The past two times I've moved, I've had a couple boxes of Maxim/Stuff magazines that I collected. Why the hell would I keep these? Maybe I thought they would be worth something. Maybe I couldn't bear to part with something I invested so much time and money in. Or maybe I thought I might re-read them someday. But now the boxes just sit in my room taking up space and it's annoying the hell out of me. Who am I kidding? I don't need these anymore.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Cape Breton Loves the McDonalds Turkey BLT

Who remembers this commercial?



This commercial was shot in Cape Breton and features local yokels waxing delicious about the new McDonald’s deli sandwiches. Take a good look at this kid.

Cosmo, KFC & Oreos.

I was reading Cosmo this past weekend when I was visiting my parents (fuck you, I read Cosmo sometimes) and they had this article called How To Stretch Your Clothes.

Your checking account may have taken a hit, but that doesn’t mean your wardrobe has to suffer. These insider tips will maximize what’s already in your closet.