Thursday, November 4, 2010

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Right Before Cake Boss.

I actually wrote this a while ago and decided it was too offensive to post. I've since decided I was right. Enjoy.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Devouring The Double Down








Last night, I got the new KFC Double Down. I had to satiate my curiosity; is the Double Down popular because it’s actually good? Or is it popular because people know how vile it is, but they have to try it because they’re fat, disgusting pigs?

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

6 Crappy Cancer Scares


It seems that, in this germ-riddled and disease-rampant age, anything and everything will give you some form of cancer. You could try cutting these things out of your life and locking yourself in your house until the end of your natural life but I’m sure that isolation and watching too much daytime TV also causes cancer. Sorry about that.

Saturday, October 9, 2010

Rules of the Road in Toronto: VOL 2








Dear Toronto Drivers,

You suck. Well, most of you suck. Some of you are okay. But most of you suck.

Friday, August 13, 2010

WTF News: Cops Rescue Marinating Cat








Buffalo police rescued a cat from a Cheektowaga man who apparently was planning to make a meal out of his pet because he thought it was ill-tempered, authorities said Monday. (via)

Sunday, August 8, 2010

9 People I Can Do Without

1. Anyone who plugs their ears when the subway screeches really loudly – What are you, six years old?

This Week In Idiots - VOL 3

It's time for another round-up of half-wits! So many idiots, so little time to make fun of them all. Here we go:

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Who's Gassing The Geese?









It amazes me that something as big as the BP oil disaster doesn’t get so much as a mention in the newspaper the day before it was capped but, on the front page of the paper - where historically the most important stories are printed so that, even if you can’t spare more than ten seconds to glance at a paper, you’ll get the gist of the good stuff – was this:

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Why Do You Hate My Quesadillas?








Okay first off, I have no more friends. I‘ve mentioned this recipe to probably a dozen people and every single one of them has told me it sounded disgusting without even bothering to try it.

Monday, June 28, 2010

The G20 Riot Roundup








Hey Toronto! We had an interesting weekend, didn’t we?

Monday, June 14, 2010

Death of A Urinal

A urinal shaped like a woman’s wide-open mouth has been flushed out of the men’s room of a Hamilton eatery following a nearly year-long public outcry. (via)

The glossy, red-lipped loo at The Honest Lawyer restaurant sparked a letter-writing campaign that attracted almost 1,100 people, including Ontario’s NDP leader and Hamilton’s mayor.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Now You Know: Steve Driver








'Now you Know' is a (not-so) exciting new post, in which I'll touch on a recent news story about someone who, had they not been so stupid/crazy/funny/etc, you would have never heard of them. Let's go.

Up this week is an actor from Porn Valley (who was coincidentally fully clothed and nowhere in the vicinity of a woman for his 15 minutes of fame.)

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Entitled to Damages








Why is it that, in this day and age, anytime you have a problem with someone or something, you can just sue the shit out of them?

Have you walked into traffic and gotten hit by a car? You just may be Entitled To Damages.

Friday, June 4, 2010

Dave's Brother








I got a really distressing email the other day from someone I was pretty sure I didn’t know. The subject was “FW: VIRUS COMING?” so I took it pretty seriously. Even though whoever sent
this obviously didn’t, what with that awkward question mark (like they were yelling but they weren't really sure why.)

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

How I Met My Burger







I was visiting with some friends on a Saturday afternoon feeling a little peckish, so we decided to grab a burger from this little European restaurant down the street. We could have just walked down there and ordered it but -

“Why don’t we call and order ahead so it will be ready when we get there?” Pondered one of us geniuses. (I don’t remember which one.)

Friday, April 30, 2010

The Rodge Hodge Podge 3








I’ve been meaning to re-design this creative little stain on the blog community for a while and I found some interesting things along the way. Like this:

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Lessons For Kids








You know who can take a long walk off a short pier? Parents who help their kids sell chocolate bars for school fundraisers.

Friday, April 23, 2010

A Quick Trip To The Store



When you're (I'm) too lazy or it's too late to go to the real grocery store, some of us (me) are glad to have a 24 hour Shoppers right down the street. The former and the latter often combine and we (I) end up doing a majority of grocery shopping here.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Our Sexy Animal Kingdom



Although it’s the shaky, night-vision bat equivalent of One Night In Paris, the best part of this article isn’t the video. It’s the video disclaimer that warns of hardcore bat on bat action.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Married To a Roller Coaster



Amy Wolfe, a US church organist who claims to have objectum sexuality, a condition that makes sufferers attracted to inanimate objects, plans to marry a magic carpet fairground ride.

This follows a "courtship" of 3,000 rides over ten years with the 80ft gondola ride called 1001 Nachts. (via)

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Your Horoscope For Today



Seriously, guys. I have a monkey statue that can tell the future.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Getting pizza... and other stuff.



I had a hankering for pizza the other day. I rarely have hankerings anymore. I have inklings and penchants all the time but never a hankering, so I took full advantage of the situation.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Guns, Onion Rings and Banned Books



An irate Staten Island mom blasted a grade school principal Wednesday for treating her son like a pint-sized Plaxico Burress after he brought a 2-inch-long toy gun to school. (via)

Monday, January 25, 2010

Health Canada Halts Upfront Drug Deals

Apparently, the government is owed a lot of money from medical marijuana users and has decided to implement a ‘purchase-in-advance’ system to curb non-payment of debts.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

This Week In Idiots - VOL. 2

Here's a countdown of people who've been dropped on their head more times than they ought to have, including a couple of two-for-one bonus idiots. Calling them stupid would be an insult to stupid people.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Rules of the Road in Toronto: VOL 1

The problem with the rules of the road in Toronto is that there aren’t any. Oh, they put up a lot of signs. They look really nice. But no one really pays attention to them (Maybe that’s why there’s been nine fatal accidents in the past nine days around here. Or that there’s been 16 in 2010 already.)

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Speaking Gibberish With Janet Yellen



It’s a widely-known fact – or at least it will be by the time you finish reading this sentence – that I express a particular distaste for people who, in the hopes of sounding infinitely smarter than they are, spout complete nonsense. (see related entry, What The Hell Does THIS Mean?)

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

2010: A New Year's Rambling.

Everyone’s had a few days to let that New Year’s Day hangover wear off by now, eh? My New Year’s resolution was to post this blog January 1st. Obviously, my 2009 resolution to stop procrastinating hasn’t really taken effect yet. Maybe tomorrow; there's some good stuff on TV today.