Taking A Position On Sex Strikes

The female wing of a civil rights group is urging women in Togo to stage a week-long sex strike to demand the resignation of the country's president. (via)

Hold all the cabinet meetings and votes you want, guys; When it comes down to a sex strike, you know your economy is in pretty bad shape.

Women are being asked to start withholding sex from their husbands or partners as of Monday … the strike will put pressure on Togo's men to take action against President Faure Gnassingbe.

Sounds like the start of a shitty week for the men of Togo. But isn’t this like those, “Hey, boycott gas stations for one day!” emails that make the rounds every so often? Isn't Esso still in business? Yep. Do gas stations lose money? No. Does anyone give a shit? No. Why? Because we all still need gas. And we all still need sex.

Another Togolese woman said she supports the sex strike, but she does not know if she can carry it out for a full week. "I do agree that we women have to observe this sex strike but I know my husband will not let me complete it. He may agree at first, but as far as I know him, he will change overnight … So I don't believe I can do the one-week sex strike…" 

Sounds to me like the people of Togo are watching too many Seinfeld reruns.

Ameganvi, a lawyer, told The Associated Press that her group is following the example of Liberia's women, who used a sex strike in 2003 to campaign for peace. 

I like how they mention she’s a lawyer. Makes her sound like she knows what she’s talking about. You wouldn’t follow a sex strike from a Zellers checkout girl, would you? Or the woman who serves fries out of the back of a truck? Probably not. Why? Because they’re idiots. Lawyers know what they’re talking about. 

Gnassingbe has not commented on the sex strike, nor has his wife. 

Does the president give a shit? Of course not… until his wife joins the strike! Oh, then he’ll perk up and take notice real quick. Sex is obviously important to those in power. Bill Clinton couldn’t even go a full work day without sticking his dick in something at the office. Why, if he wasn’t having sex, he’d be forced to actually do his job!

And what if you couldn't find sex anywhere at all? During a sex strike in Kenya in 2009,

The Women's Development Organisation coalition said they would also pay prostitutes to join their strike. (via)

It must really suck when a hooker turns you down for sex with the reply, “Your wife is paying me more.”

She said the campaign would start from her bedroom and that emissaries had been sent to the two leaders' wives, Ida Odinga and Lucy Kibaki, urging them to join in and lead from the front. 

Have you taken a good look at these women? I don’t think their husbands would have a problem avoiding sex for a week. They’d probably be okay sleeping in separate beds for a whole month. Or forever.

"Great decisions are made during pillow talk, so we are asking the two ladies at that intimate moment to ask their husbands: 'Darling can you do something for Kenya?'" 

Clearly, they got the idea after watching Dave Chappelle’s ‘Killing Them Softly’ in which he joked that, had Clinton fooled around with an older, wiser woman, she would have done something for her country and “sucked us into Utopia.”

What, are you gonna deny your wife’s demands while your dick is in her mouth? Of course not. Are you gonna deny your wife’s demands if she tells you she’ll never suck your dick again? If your wife is Ida Odinga, maybe. But otherwise, probably not.

And, hey – sex strikes aren’t just for overthrowing governments or stopping civil war!

Hundreds of Neapolitan women have pledged to go without sex unless their men promise to refrain from setting off dangerous illegal fireworks... if the men of Naples fail to get the women's message, an awful lot of them could be waking up on sofas on New Year's Day. (via)

Waking up on the sofa? Well, how do we know you didn’t have sex and then just make him sleep on the couch?

And, now that I’m questioning the validity of this whole thing, what exactly does a sex strike imply? Does it include anal? What about handjobs? How clearly defined are the terms of this strike? ‘Sex’ can be (and usually is) taken in many different ways.

Which begs the question: do sex strikes work? 

This same-titled article, which I’m led to believe was written by someone with actual journalistic credentials, concludes that

it’s impossible to say.

Damn, Guardian! What kind of shitty article is this? Ask a thought-provoking question and then answer it with, “Who knows"?

You suck.

So are sex strikes the way forward? It seems unlikely. 

Of course it seems unlikely.

Doesn’t it just scream caveman? I imagine if a caveman was unmotivated to hunt, all his cavelady would have to do would be to deny him the delights of the night and he’d be hacking up wooly mammoths and dragging their carcasses back to the cave by the end of day two.

Sex strikes are clearly the answer to everything. Want to overthrow the government? Sex strike. Want to stop a civil war? Sex strike. Want a new town square? Towncar? Cartier? Cabernet? Sex strike.

Want the lawn mowed? Tell your husband you won’t blow him until it’s done. That’s not gonna take a week; That lawn would be mowed within the hour (ladies, do not foolishly reverse this and blow him before he mows the lawn as an incentive; it has to be a reward for doing the work.)

So, not only do sex strikes stand the test of time, they are indeed the way forward. Sometimes, the last-ditch effort to make progress is the most effective. In desperate times, women are becoming conscious of the ancient secret that men have tried to keep for so long: all the power is in the penis. Take away the penis and you take away the power (Just ask a eunuch.)

Well, now the cat’s outta the bag. Thanks, women of Togo! Unfortunately for me, I’m sure my girlfriend will be joining your sex strike after she reads this (I haven't done the dishes in a week.)