Friday, September 12, 2008


Following is a list of people/things that are currently* pissing me off.
*This list will almost certainly change daily.

1. Microsoft Word: when I open you, you automatically give me a blank document. That’s thoughtful, I‘ll admit. But then when I’m all, “Thanks anyways, I’m actually just going to open another document,” and try to close the blank one, you ask me if I want to save it. What’s wrong with you? Why would I want to save a blank document? I haven’t typed anything, you dim-witted piece of crap software.

2. Guys Who Wear Giant Keyrings on Their Belt Buckle: What the fuck, man? Are you a janitor? Are you the mayor? What in samhell are you doing with all those keys?! And hey, don’t forget that unnecessarily giant clippy thing! You need that for when you go rock climbing, remember? Dickwad.

3. People Who Stand On The Walking Side Of The Escalator: What's going on in your retarded head? You're new, you don't know the rules? I can’t excuse the fact that you’re also ignoring the rest of the world around you. You didn’t notice you’re the only one standing on this side of the escalator? You don’t think you should make up for all that extra room in front of you? Well, pardon me for being such an asshole but you’re getting pushed right out of the way. To the right side of the escalator where you belong.

4. Guy On The Bus Who Loudly Described The Gruesome Car Accident He Witnessed Last Week:
Social tact doesn’t seem to be your strong suit. Everyone on the bus was listening to you.

5. Me When I Hand The Cashier My Debit Card:
Okay, putting myself on notice was a tough one, but I have to admit this is a real dick move. It’s not like I’m too stupid to start this procedure. The debit machine is right in front of me. I’ve even figured out which way the card goes by looking at the little picture beside the swipey thing. But don’t I feel like a complete dipshit when I hand them my card and they turn the machine around and swipe my card, then hand the machine back to me? Yeah, I really do. What am I, too cool for school and I can’t even swipe my own debit card?

6. People Who Type Or Say “Sigh”: Knock that shit off.


Girl A: “That is such a cute shirt.”
Girl B: "Thanks, but it's actually a dress.”
Girl A: “Is it really?”
Girl B: “Well, I hope so because I'm not wearing any pants.”


  1. You deserve a Pulitzer for this. I just wish you would have added "people who come into book stores during their lunch hours just to take a shit so they won't be embarrassed at work"...they should be put on notice, too. I'm tired of smelling the mingled smell of 15 different peoples' shit. That was graphic.

  2. as someone who works in retail - and has for many years - i must agree that you are a douche for the debit card thing....

    my favorite is when some idiot teenage girl throws it down on the counter (i assume they learned it from witnessing strange men throw money on their mum's bedside tables).... i smile and pick it up and do exactly as you describe; swipe it for them and throw it back on the counter for them.

    AGRH! *sigh* (lol just for you!)

  3. As someone who worked in retail, I called myself out on that one. I can't count the number of times I've had to try and verbally describe how the card slides in.

    "No, the other way. No, the other other way. Turn it. No, turn it the other way. Yeah. You have to swipe down. If that doesn't work, swipe up."

    A single sigh can be accepted. Any more and I start snapping popular joints. lol