In Other News: Dresden Is Slow

I hope you're sitting down. If you're not, I'll give you a second. And in that second, I'll wonder why you weren't sitting down in the first place. But anyways, you are now? Okay.

You remember Dresden? No? Me neither.


For anyone else who didn't pay attention in history class, Dresden was a city in Germany that was bombed by the Allies in World War II. The death toll was said to be around 500 000. Shitty day for Dresden. Except for the Dresden county coroner. Unless of course he died too. But I digress...



New research - get this, new research - suggests that the death toll was actually somewhere between 20 - 25 000. A team of experts got together and just now discovered that the numbers were blown way the hell out proportion by Nazi propaganda. Now riddle me this:

WHAT THE FUCK, GERMANY?!

Is this event so unimportant to you that you only decided to get off your asses and check these numbers now? Oh, PS - where did the other 475 000 people go? Did you skip a couple numbers? Did you count by tens? Or are you so entranced by wiener dogs and wiener schnitzel that you plum forgot how many people live in Dresden? Experts? Experts in what?! Making shit up? And where they hell did you find this evidence? Did you make it up while you sat around trying to figure out what to do on a Saturday night?

HANS: "Vat do you guys vant to do?"
FRITZ: "Let's count dead people."
HANS:"From ven?"
FRITZ: "Sixty years ago?"
HANS: "Let me get my shovel."

It seems to me that an event such as this would rank pretty high on the "let's figure out what went wrong" scale. Like, right away. But not for Germany. Sit on it for sixty years, herren. Good work. Hey, Americans, British: you guys are douchebags. Hey Germany: wake the fuck up!

I'm excited to see the results of their finding on what actually happened to the Titanic. Due out in 2130.

Dig the full article here.

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