Friday, October 9, 2009

The Internet Intermittently Sucks

We've become so reliant on the internet, there are several things online that we probably couldn't do without; email, Facebook, news, porn. Y'know, the basic essentials.

There are also many things we could happily do without. Shitty pop-up ads. Or that emoticon that goes, "HELLLOOOOOO!!" and scares the crap out of you at 1am.
Or raunchy personals ads like this one.

First, we have sexylady4ursex. Okay... a little redundant but whatever. I get it. You want my sex. Then, there’s sexygirl12372 who was probably disappointed when she signed up for the site and realized sexygirl was already taken and resorted to one of the auto-suggested usernames.

So, this is just an ad for an adult site with a couple of their more attractive members.

Then we get to the fine print... wait, what? Not actual members? Illustrative purposes? Aww! You mean these women don't exist? Weight Watchers pull the same thing on their commercials. "I lost 55 pounds on Weight Watchers!" and the fine print says 'not typical results'. But you can't have a woman go, "I lost 55 pounds on Weight Watchers!" and then flash 'may or may not be a member of Weight Watchers' without some red flags being waved.
I'm half-inclined to write to the Better Business Bureau about such a sexy misrepresentation.

Sometimes the internet teaches you interesting things, though.

For instance, I recently learned that if I wanted to go to Thailand, I could take a bus there from Canada.

Apparently all I have to do is book ahead. That's good news!

The bad news is you forgot your facebook password. The good news is you can have it reset. The bad news is...

“What was my password again? Oh yeah.” *Mashes fists on keyboard.*

Which is equally as bad as getting a captcha like this:

I see scribbles. How am I supposed to enter scribbles? I don't have scribble keys. Not even if I press ALT.

Hey, guy who wrote the copy for the genius challenge: you almost made it. Clearly, you are a total fraud.

I got a request the other day to add an application called ‘Send teddy bears over Facebook’.

What kind of junk is this? In case you have the intellectual capacity of a bag of Doritos (which some people on the ‘book do) and can’t for the life of you figure out what Send teddy bears on Facebook is, no problem.

Teddybearsteddybearsteddybears! Get teddy bears now! Teddy bears! Doesn’t it sound like a teddy bear punch to the face?

I love how they mention they’re free. Like I’m gonna be on the fence about getting this application and get to the end, “Oh, they’re free? Hells yeah, I’ll send free teddy bears!”

Check out this genius journalism.

“Oh wow... did we say ‘has sex for money’? We meant to say ‘careless driver’. What a wicked typo. Sorry about that."

There’s a Google search button built into the corner of Firefox so that, if I search for something, it goes to Google search results.

Why then, when I type in that box, do I get redirected to this smartass Rogers website?

Did I mean Google? Yes, I meant Google!! What the hell am I doing at this website?

Have you ever seen some of the stuff people search for on Google? There are a lot of stupid people out there.

There’s an easy way to tell: if your grammar sucks, you’re not pregnant.

Over a million people can’t tell the difference between peanut butter and jam.

Are these the same people sending teddy bears on facebook?


I think he just moved out of my neighbourhood.


  1. Another Great one Rodger. Did you get Lou's autograph?

  2. No, he punched me in the face though. I'm gonna write a tell-all book. Look for it at chapters, it's gonna be called 'Lou Ferrigno Just Punched Me In The Face.' Epic.

  3. The reason you have to book ahead when getting a bus to Thailand is so they have time to build a bridge.

  4. LAWL!!! your post cracked me up. love it!!! :D