Saturday, October 17, 2009

Mustaches, Muppets and Moonmen.

You're in New Jersey. You look back and see these three policemen.

You consider the fact that you may be on an LSD trip.

I wonder if they planned on the mustaches? Is that a group thing, or does one guy just do it and the others follow along? The look like they belong in a Monty Python sketch (This photo is also available to download in wallpaper size for extra creepiness.)

You know who else has a creepy mustache? Lew Zealand. Would you trust him to babysit your kids?

Animal had a beard but, by looking at the guy, you could clearly tell he was up to no good. Would you trust him to babysit your kids?

Okay, if you had to pick a Muppet with facial hair to babysit your kids and it came down to Lew Zealand, Animal or Floyd - and you had to pick one of them - who would you choose?

It’s a tough one, isn’t it?

The sensible choice is Floyd, until you remember that he’s a beatnik and a bass player and, thereby, clearly a drug abuser. But considering the option of either the fish-whipping maniac or the rabid freak of nature, the sensible choice is still Floyd (who may or may not arrive with his coke whore of a girlfriend, Janice.)

I wonder if she was the one who got this NYPD police officer fired?

A decorated ex-cop claimed he tested positive for cocaine because he ingested the drug during oral sex with his girlfriend ... who, once he tested positive, admitted to him that she was a regular cocaine user.

Trying to prove his innocence, he decides to slap a lawsuit against the police force for wrongful dismissal.

"This is a very special human being who devoted his entire life to being a police officer," said lawyer Paul Goldberger. "He would no more use drugs than the man on the moon."

Ah yes. The old ‘man on the moon’ defense. It's clever but it's not nearly infallible, and providing evidence for your argument is next to impossible. How does he expect to prove that the man on the moon doesn’t do drugs?

Maybe it's that easy, I dunno. But have you seen the man on the moon? The dude sleeps all day and he's up all night, completely lit.

Sounds like a junkie to me.

And I'm confident that the man on the moon can't use the 'accidentally ingested it while giving my girlfriend oral sex' argument, so we'll see what his story is. Could be the added stress of knowing we're starting to blow his house up.

Is anyone else disturbed by this?


I hope all these dogs poop at the same time.


  1. I haven't laughed this hard in a long time. Clever.

  2. I dont even know what to do with this, I'm still basking in the glory of the deep muppet investigation. And you know what a thing I have for the muppets (specailly that sexy fucker Gonzo, me-ow!) but I digress...

    -The Riduclously Red Redhead

  3. I'd probably pick Animal to babysit my kids. Here's why:

    1) Lew Zealand is just weird, and I hate fish. And if he were tossing stinky fish around my house, I'd have to murder him.

    2) Floyd would be lazy. All he'd do it hot box my house and read Alan Ginsberg and Jack Kerouac, which is fine if it's with me, but not with my kids.

    3) I don't own a drum set, and as far as I can tell, the key to making Animal docile is not having a drum set around. Sure, my kids wouldn't understand what he's saying, but he'd get the message across by pointing and grunting. Plus he'd have good energy to play with them. And honestly, I'd rather have an energetic but overly harmless guy over a dude who's going to break my interior with Trout or someone who'd probably use my vase as a washroom since the real one is "too far right now".

  4. October 17th?! You need to update your blog mooooooore, Sammy Faggard.