Surgery Surprise

Let’s jump right into this one:

A Polish woman is facing three years in prison after she removed all of her ex-boyfriend's teeth during dental surgery just days after their breakup.
  

Say you just went through a nasty breakup with your girlfriend and this now ex-girlfriend happens to be a dentist. Now, say you happen to get a toothache and need to see a dentist. What are the chances you’ll ask your recent ex-girlfriend, whose heart you’ve just insensitively crushed, to take a look at the problem?

Only an idiot would do that, right? Enter Marek Olszewski.

Marek Olszewski, 45, reportedly showed up at Mackowiak's dental office complaining of toothache just days after he broke up with her. 

Here we go. You’re still complaining to your ex-girlfriend? That’s not cool. You're taking that chick for granted, man.

She then allegedly gave him a "heavy dose" of anesthetic, locked the door and began removing all of his teeth one at a time.

See?

"I tried to be professional and detach myself from my emotions," Anna Mackowiak, 34, told the Austrian Times. "But when I saw him lying there I just thought, 'What a bastard' and decided to take all his teeth out."

There’s a long list of things you shouldn’t let your ex-girlfriend do. It includes such things as:

- repair your car (“Who the fuck loosened my lugnuts? That tire could have fallen right off!”),
- watch your dog (“You know you were supposed to feed him?”),
- have sex with you (Move on, right? She wasn’t even that good.),
- perform oral surgery (or any other kind, for that matter.)



What do you have to say for yourself, Marek?

"I didn't have any reason to doubt her, I mean I thought she was a professional."

Yeah, a professional revenge artist, maybe! Take that, Marek! I bet she had reason to doubt your cheating heart, eh?

Adding to his trauma, Olszewski said his new girlfriend has already left him over his now toothless appearance. 

I knew it, you sneaky dog! Who the hell is this girl now? You had a new girlfriend only days after you broke up with Anna? Were you cheating on her the whole time, or are you just incapable of being alone and found the first strange ass you could lay your hands on? Shit man, I just lost a lot of respect for you.

"The new girlfriend has now left me saying she can’t be with a man without teeth.” 

Oh, forget her. She sounds like a gold digger anyways.



But, Anna… she’s batshit insane, right? She’s a crazy dentist. I bet she was just warming up. Maybe she can hook up with Sweeny Todd, the crazy barber. All they have to do is find a mad butcher, a murderous baker and a psycho candlestick maker, and they’ll have themselves a pretty sweet posse.



The only problem with this story?

A new report from MSNBC suggests that the original report is a hoax. 

C’mon now! Really? This was poetic justice. Karma writ large. I guess it was too good to be true.

Several outlets, including Yahoo News, The New York Daily News, Fox News, The Los Angeles Times, The San Francisco Chronicle, The Huffington Post and MSN itself, which has now retracted its original story, carried the report. 

Well, I hope they get to the bottom of this.

The article's original bylined author, Simon Tomlinson of the Daily Mail, says he does not know where the original story originated, despite bearing his name. "I've drawn a bit of a blank," he told MSNBC. 

A bit of a blank, you say? That sounds strangely akin to, “I made it up." And, if he's gonna be making up news stories, you'd think he could embellish a little more? That, or go into fiction writing.

 You deserve to have your teeth knocked out, Mr. Tomlinson. That's all.

RANDOM BONUS: INVISIBLE WEATHER GIRL

 

"The low pressure system moving in from the west will brighten up my right nipple, but my left nipple will likely be seeing some rain this afternoon. Also, Findlay, Ohio will be experiencing some moistness."