Our Sexy Animal Kingdom

Although it’s the shaky, night-vision bat equivalent of One Night In Paris, the best part of this article isn’t the video. It’s the video disclaimer that warns of hardcore bat on bat action.





Watch out! You might see a flash of bat bush. This video is NOT for kids! Unless your kid already knows how bats fuck, in which case they can watch it if they want to.

And what kind of tag is bat fellatio?

Web Guy #1: Hey Bill, how do we tag this video?
Web Guy #2: Hmm... is there a bat fellatio tag?
Web Guy #1: There is now!

I’m apprehensive about clicking a link that says ‘bat fellatio’ though, in case it takes me to a whole profusion of bat fellatio videos.

So what's with all the talk of bats and blow jobs?

Female short-nosed fruit bats have been observed performing fellatio on their partners during copulation.

Observed by who?? What kind of voyeur is hiding in a bush with a pair of binoculars waiting for horny bats to come swooping in and give them a free show? They’d damn well better be scientists. Which raises the question: who the fuck is funding this perverted research?



The bats copulate dorso-ventrally, with the male mounting the female from behind. During mating, the females reached over to lick the base of the male's penis in 14 of the 20 pairs that copulated.

I'm sorry, excuse me? The bats are going at it doggy style... and she leans over and what now?

Both the duration of an individual copulation, and the overall time a mating pair spent copulating, were increased if the female performed fellatio.

I’m not pointing any fingers ladies, but we can all learn something from bats.

(Unfortunately it’s not sandwich making. Bats are notoriously bad sandwich-makers.)



You can delve even further into the sex lives of animals - because what else are you doing with your afternoon? - by clicking the link at the bottom of the article. Just be forewarned that the video has neither a funny tag nor a disclaimer, even though it shows bonobo monkeys manipulating each other’s nipples and makes mention of caribou spontaneously ejaculating.

(What kind of double standard is that, New Scientist??)

RANDOM BONUS: CREEPY COINCIDENCE

I was scanning through a) news articles and b) internet radio. These two came up at once.



Just about shit my pants.