Saturday, June 27, 2009

Watch Out For Cheetos

I ran across this story the other day from Shelbyville, TN.

Authorities said a couple got into a fight using Cheetos. The Bedford County Sheriff's Department said a 40-year-old man and 44-year-old woman became involved in a 'verbal altercation.' Somehow, the orange puffy snacks were used in the assault.

Man, reclined in chair - "Pass me my Cheetos, woman."
Woman, slaving over a hot stove – "What did you say to me?"
Man – "I said pass me my Cheetos, woman! And make it snappy."
Woman (reaching for knife) - "I’ll pass you your fucking Cheetos!"

*Stabs man repeatedly with knife.*

(Or, apparently, the victim of spousal abuse.)

FAST FACT: You know in Japan they have milk chocolate Cheetos and strawberry Cheetos?

You know the assault rate in Japan is 95.6% lower than it is in the USA?

Try telling me that’s not because they have strawberry and milk chocolate flavoured Cheetos in Japan? Those people have nothing to complain about. Aside from Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Come to think of it, I wouldn't be surprised if WW2 was just an excuse to bomb the Japanese over Cheeto envy.

And in the world of celebrity gossip, Angelina Jolie is pissed off at Jennifer Aniston. She's glaring right at her in this newspaper and poor Jennifer has no idea. They do that shit on purpose, don’t they?

I bet Angelina Jolie loves regular Cheetos.


You know those websites where they make you enter a verification code to make sure you're not a robot? Whoever thought this was a good idea, I'd like to decipher their face with a cast-iron skillet. I mean, what the hell is this?


  1. I had to ask around for more info on the "Cheetos" incident. The definition of irresponsible journalism is an article stating that "Cheetos were somehow used in the assault" but not telling us "how"... Don't they think we'd like to know?

    Turns out they threw them at each other. What a bunch of lame, dumbasses...

  2. That makes the 9-1-1 call even funnier.

    "9-1-1, what is your emergency?"

    "Oh god, please help me. He's throwing Cheetos. Ow! Ow! He's throwing them at me."

    "Ma'am, did you say Cheetos?"

    "Ow! Yes. Please, hurry! STOP IT, YOU CHEETO-EATING SON OF A BITCH!!!"

  3. At least you have the luxury of a Captcha you can barely understand. Mine insults my household:

    Rude Captcha....

  4. haha Apholes?! what a brash captcha.