The only EKG book I’ll ever need... and this is the fifth edition? When are you guys going to get this shit right?
“Okay, really seriously this time, we’ve figured it all out and this, we promise, this is the Only EKG Book You will ever ever ever ever need as long as you live, we swear to god. Volume twelve.”
- I saw this on the bank website the other day.
Yeah, it totally depends on your personal situation.
BANK MANANGER - “Let's take a look at your personal situation. Are you still living?”
YOU - “Yes.”
BANK MANAGER - “Then you still need life insurance.”
- Whoever thought it was a good idea to have the non-perishable food bin for homeless people? A can of beans, can of creamed corn, can of Zoodles, awesome. Canned goods. Anyone ever think of giving these people a can opener?
- I got this genius email in my junk folder the other day.
I’ve been wasting money by NOT selling or renting my timeshare. Why didn’t I think of that before? Oh, yeah. I don’t have a fucking timeshare. Who is this from exactly?... I have a feeling it's the same guy who sent me this one:
I don't get it... my machete? Are these people having a sale on dick pills or knives?
The fact that they used the wrong spelling of 'break' notwithstanding, who wants to smash walls with their dicks? Not only is it dangerous and destructive, but it's probably not very romantic.
- A friend of mine was scanning tuxedo photos recently and stumbled upon this groomsmen getting fresh with his buddy.
I like to think it’s actually a gay wedding.
“That’s just a little taste of what you’ll be getting later tonight,” Todd seductively whispered to Rick moments after this photo was taken. Rick’s sister Janice looked stunning in a red carpet kinda way, but she wasn’t impressed. Could you blame her? Not only did her gay brother get married before her, but her boyfriend Eric gave her a pearl necklace right before the reception and she just found out they’re faux pearls!
Being glamourous must be a bitch. Just like Janice.
No comments:
Post a Comment