Friday, July 17, 2009

Sighting? Indeed.

Hours after Michael Jackson passed away, some guy in England noticed an eerie image on the hood of his car.

"The obvious explanation is that it seems to be some sort of cloud formation that just happened at the time."

Yeah, that’s the obvious explanation. Good thing you mentioned it, or Michael Jackson fans the world over would be flocking to your house to get a glimpse of Michael Jackson's soul trapped in the hood of your car.

"If you look at the picture for long enough it even looks as if he has got wings."

Of course he has wings! That’s ‘cause he’s on his way back to Neverland. Second star to the right and straight on till morning (provided you don’t need to stop at Macauley Culkin’s house first.)

In Stockton, California, the neighbourhood went nuts when someone - who was clearly in need of glasses - claimed to see Jackson in a tree stump.

Best part of the video: To Stockton, Michael Jackson meant more to us than maybe Jesus did to some people. I think they're both about even.

What? That is a TREE STUMP. Are you fucking high? (Judging by the bags under your eyes, I'd say ridiculously so.) Heck, someone even saw Michael Jackson on a piece of toast.

When are we gonna give up on this nonsense? What are these people on?

They keep popping up in the most ridiculous places. Elvis in toast. Mother Teresa in a cinnamon bun. The Virgin Mary on a turtle. I thought I saw Vincent Price in a cheeseburger once but did I say anything? No. Why? Because I’m not friggin’ retarded.

The most-often seen vision is, of course, Jesus. I was pretty sure people could see Jesus in just about anything... that is, until I saw this video. Now I’m completely sure.

‘Finally Tonight, Jesus’ Highlights

0:22We always, on the show, try to keep track of where people find images of Jesus... (Really? What the hell is this show about?)
0:53Did a cinnamon bun leave behind a message from above? (Y’know, I really doubt it did.)
1:11 - If you don’t see Jesus in any of these images, it’s okay. These people will POINT OUT exactly where they think he is by showing you his features.

Sometimes, it's a bit of a stretch, isn't it? Take this pita bread, for example.

That doesn't look anything like Jesus!

1:35 – Honestly, this one looks more like Iron Man.
1:42There’s the eye, and even the mustache. (What Jesus sighting would be complete without the trademark mustache?)
1:57The minute he found the rock, he immediately quit drinking and smoking. (Until he got home from looking for rocks in the creek and realized he was drunk and high when he found it.)
3:58 Apparently, this isn’t the only Jesus Cheeto. We checked the internet and found others.

You checked the internet? How would you like to get that news assignment?

JIM – “What do we have today? Traffic accident? County fair? Weather? Sports?”
BOSS – “Jim, I’m gonna need you to scour the internet for snack foods that look like Jesus Christ.”

See this picture?

That’s just a piece of toast. Put some peanut butter on it, eat it, and shut up about it. I hope these people count this as their fifteen minutes of fame because this could very well be the most interesting thing that will ever happen to them.


"Please tell the media, I did not get my Spaghetti-O's, I got spaghetti. I want the press to know."
- the last words of Thomas Grasso, executed in Oklahoma on March 20, 1995

The worst part is, this guy wanted media coverage, hoping that people would hear his story. And the best he got was some douchebag posting it on a blog (me.)

Sorry, Tommy!


  1. Hey, that MJ toast is a pretty damn good resemblance.

  2. It looks like there's oxygen tubes going in his nose... is this a picture of him dead? Would you eat toast with a picture of dead Michael Jackson on it? Eww.