Thursday, July 23, 2009

The $60 Lesson In Stupidity

I’m at the Laundromat last night, making sure my socks all come out of the washer. I put them in there in pairs, I’m damn sure gonna get them out of there in pairs. I toss the laundry in the dryer and chill out with The Watchtower.

I’m not the only one who reads this, right? Why do you think they even have The Watchtower at the Laundromat? They plant it there because they know people are bored enough to read it. And damned if I don’t fall for it every single time.

I hop over to the ATM to get some cash – this is the same ATM that’s chained to the gumball machines, as mentioned in a previous laundromat blog. Enter my PIN. $60. Yeah, I’ll accept the $1.25 ‘convenience’ charge. At least it’s not $1.50 like most other machines.

Back to The Watchtower. Turns out, it’s just one long ad for the Bible. But the only other reading material available was Awake! (which, if you’ve read, you’d know s the same thing as The Watchtower.) At the back of the pamphlet, it asks if you want a no-obligation visit in your home to discuss the Bible. It’s just that, if it’s such a non-obligation, can they quit mentioning it at then end of every single issue? C'mon. Stop inviting yourself over to my house.

Okay, laundry’s done. Gotta focus on the socks, make sure they all get back in pairs. One pair. Two pair. Three pair. Then, sure as hell! I’m missing one grey sock. Someone must have absconded with one of my socks. What are they gonna do with one grey sock?

What am I gonna do with one grey sock?

Whatever, eff the sock; he gets tossed in the garbage. I maneuver my way around the toddler wheeling a laundry cart around and I carry home the laundry that didn’t get lost.

As I’m putting my clothes away, my mind wanders back to that 25¢ I saved at the ATM. And wait a second... where did I put that cash?

Did I forget to take the cash out of the ATM? No. I couldn’t have. Let me think back. I pressed ‘yes’ to accept the charge... then I picked up the Watchtower...

Oh shit.

I left $60 sitting in the ATM.

I race back around the block, probably faster than I’ve ever run (not counting that time we got busted for breaking into the Frito Lay factory when we were 16.) That little girl was still zipping around with the laundry cart. I check the ATM.

If you saw a pile of cash and there was no one around to claim it, would you take it?

So would I.

So, to whoever took $60 out of the ATM at the Laundromat tonight, I hope you enjoyed the weed and pizza, which I’m almost certain you splurged on. You’re welcome.

Post script: I stopped by Nate’s place for a bit after the ordeal. Leaving his place, I was met with a downpour of cool summer rain, which was in fact more like cold winter rain as I biked home in it, resulting in a fantastic drenching of everything I had on.

(Maybe a little too long to post on FML. But still... FML.)


The lessons to be learned here? Dogs can't read, coffee is not a drink, and pigeons are being discriminated against. Come to think of it, I'm pretty sure I saw this in my neighbour's yard.

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