I saw some raccoons the other day, rummaging through the garbage behind Pizza Pizza. And it was weird because it wasn’t even dark. It was broad daylight and these ballsy little bandits were just doing their thing, not giving a shit about the people passing by. Mike and I tried to get closer and closer but, when people walking by saw the raccoons, every one of them jumped and ran like they had seen a ghost.
I started to wonder, though… how the heck did these raccoons get here? I’ve never seen raccoons downtown. In the suburbs maybe, where there’s trees and bushes and shit to hide in. But how did they get here?
Did they take the TTC?
And how did they get on?
Do they approach the collector and say, “We’re just scavenging,” and he says, “No charge,” and wave them all through?
Or do they all get in a big trenchcoat and just pay a single fare? I can imagine them waddling up to the counter, and a voice from the bottom of the coat goes, “one, please,” like Calvin and Hobbes. Or maybe one of them just distracts the collector by asking for directions and the rest sneak under the turnstile… I don't know.
Anyways, they fucked up the Pizza Pizza garbage something fierce.
RANDOM BONUS: LAZY CONSTRUCTION WORKERS
How shitty must it be for the guy who gets assigned to stand in traffic holding the SLOW sign all day at a construction site? Some people brag that, "my job is so easy, a monkey could do it." But this is even worse. I think you need to reconsider your career when a sandbag or a large rock could do your job.