Dearest Mr Akpan

*Special thanks to Heather for forwarding this email.*

From: Federick Akpan

Subject: INTERESTED IN YOUR LATEST PRODUCTS

HELLO,

THIS IS TO INFORM YOUR STORE THAT:

WE ARE VERY MUCH INTERESTED IN YOUR LATEST PRODUCTS, WE ARE WILLING TO BUY LARGE QUANTITY OF YOUR PRODUCTS AND RESELL TO OUR RETAILERS HERE IN WEST AFRICA.

WE JUST NEED LITTLE SAMPLES OF YOUR LATEST PRODUCTS AND THEIR PRICE TAG JUST TO TAKE A CLOSE LOOK AND TO CONFIRM THE PRODUCTS IF THEY ARE SOUND OR OK BY US BECAUSE WE ARE WILLING TO BUY AS MANY AS POSSIBLE OF YOUR PRODUCTS.  

I AWAIT YOUR POSITIVE RESPONSE AND HOPE TO READ FROM YOU
SOON.       

THANKS.

REGARDS

THE MARKETING DIRECTOR ;
WEST AFRICA GROUP OF COMPANIES

MR FEDERICK AKPAN

From: Rodger James

Subject: RE: INTERESTED IN YOUR LATEST PRODUCTS

Dearest Mr Akpan,

We are excited that you are interested in selling our line of product in your region. Currently, we do not have a distributor in Africa, although it certainly seems like a product that would benefit your people. You guys like to fuck, right? Like, a lot? Say no more!

We are the makers of Fleshlight, the fuckable sleeve disguised to look like - what else? A flashlight! Genius, right? We know. Except that time the lights went out and we were looking for a real flashlight and wound up with a tube full of goo. That wasn't cool.

We have a fantastic selection of discreet pleasure toys, including a can of beer that contains your choice of a vagina, anus or mouth. Whichever one you want! I bet it's the ass, isn't it? You seem like an ass man to me, Federick. We also have a Frankenstein vagina that has stitches on it so it looks like it came from some sort of deformed monster, as well as a zombie vagina and a cyborg vagina. Sounds messed up, doesn't it? It is. Trust me, our target market is pretty messed up. We can only hope you sex-starved freaks in West Africa are just as messed up.

We did have a problem with the manufacturer in China, where an employee simply copied our product and sold a cheaper version on the Chinese market. They called it the 'Freshright.' Those clever little bastards, eh? Well, it turns out they used an inferior silicone adhesive which actually bonded on contact with semen. Hahaha! Who's laughing now, you horny Asian trademark infringers?!

I can send you a handful of the keychain-sized 'Fleshlight-On-The-Go' to distribute amongst your office and try out. I bet you'll love them. I use mine in the car all the time. The stop-and-go of rush hour traffic gets me rock hard. Please let me know where I should send the products and if I should mark them as a gift? As I'm sure you're aware, those international sex toy tariffs are unbelievable.

I look forward to your prompt reply.

Yours in sexiness,
Dr Ron Jeremy
Director Of Sales, Fleshlight

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Don't forget to check out the previous scambaiting adventure, Dearest Dr John King.