Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Crack Spiders, Snakes & Lights For Jerks.

I’m doing my part for the environment and spreading this video about spiders.

The Hinterland Who’s Who website is actually www.hww.ca. What’s with all the W’s? That’s like a website called www.wwwdotcom.com.

(And you don’t need to check if that’s a real website. Cuz I did. And it is. But unfortunately, it’s about as anti-climactic as a dyslexic prostitute.)

Have you ever found animals burrowing in your electronics? Like, maybe you have a turtle in your VCR?

This dude found a snake living in his printer.

That's when he found the metre-long reptile curled up comfortably in the printer and causing a paper jam. Denis managed to shift the reluctant snake after attempts to coax it out through the back of the printer failed. Denis suspects it is still in the computer room as he frequently finds small objects knocked from shelves.

Wait, what? You didn’t take it out of the house? You put it back down beside the printer and were all, “Oh shit. Where did that snake go?” half an hour later? You dipshit.

Hey, speaking of disphits…

You know Billie Mays, the guy who’s always YELLING AT YOU TO TRY AND SELL YOU STUPID SHIT?

The Handy Switch is his new one. And just by glancing at the website, you’ll know they put a good 15 minutes into marketing this fantastic product.

Get this: Instead of plugging that lamp into the wall, you plug the lamp into a remote adapter that plugs into the wall. Then you take this remote lightswitch with adhesive backing and stick it on any wall within 50 feet of the lamp. Any wall within 50 feet! Now, rather than walking all the way to the other side of the room to turn on the lamp, you merely need to flip the switch.

I bet you could save a whole three and a half seconds every time you needed to turn the lights on or off!


Fuck, some people are stupid.

* Control Any Lamp From Anywhere. I’ll tell you where you control a lamp from: the fucking lamp. Just turn the switch.
* Control Inside Lights From Outside. Really? Then why the hell would I have installed a swtch for the outside lights?
* Control Downstairs Lights From Upstairs. Isn't that pretty much the same thing as the last one?
*Stick it anywhere. Penetrates walls. Wow. This is the sluttiest remote control light I’ve ever heard of. And trust me, I once saw a Clapper masturbating on a gooseneck desk lamp.

The best part?

Not available in stores, you say?! That’s probably because even Wal Mart knows this is a shitty product. And I’m pretty sure Wal Mart sells the Snuggie.


I said I would post something yesterday, but I'm still on Edmonton time. Sue me*.

*Don't actually sue me.


  1. Dude, well done.
    I totally forgot about Edmonton...it would have been badass to hang out.
    The snuggie is the most ridiculous product that ever existd...and the infomercial where the attractive couple play backgammon...good lord.
    Makes the Sham-Wow seem hip...

  2. i am SO stealing the dyslexic prostitute line p.s.

  3. I gave myself a cookie when I thought that one up. lol

  4. bleach anime blue