Could this be the most retarded invention ever? Hypothetcially, yes. But literally, yes.
Check out the Snuggie Blanket Official Site (They have to say "official" because someone might try to copy it and sell bootleg Snuggies, I guess.)
If you’re wondering how the Snuggie was invented, I’m guessing some drunk guy put his housecoat on backwards and went, “hey, waitasecond…”
Either that or they swiped the pattern design for the Slanket – which is the exact same product - and offered it in fewer colours.
Let’s watch the video and then break it down by means of criticizing the hell out of it.
“When you want to reach something, your hands are trapped inside.” When was the last time you got your hands trapped in a blanket? i can't count the number of times I've thought "Ahhh! My hands are trapped in this blanket! I can’t get to the phone!” I’ve never seen someone so pissed at having to answer a phone, especially considering it didn’t even ring.
Where the fuck do these people live, the north pole? Whose house is this cold? If you can’t take your hand out from under a blanket to click a button on the TV remote, you should maybe consider shelling out a couple more bucks for your heating bill, and/or stop living in your parents’ chilly basement.
“The Snuggie keeps you totally warm!” And makes you look like you’re in a cult.
Anyone else notice that while your front is warm and cozy, your ass is completely exposed?
“Use your laptop without being cold.” When was the last time you were using your laptop and thought, “Holy shit, I’m freezing”? Touch the bottom of your laptop. It’s scorching hot. On second thought, if you’re so damn chilly, put your laptop in your lap.
“Oversized sleeves so you can move your arms and use your hands.” Must not be as warm as they say if she’s knitting something else to wear aside from the Snuggie. Unless perhaps she’s knitting another Snuggie.
Anyone else notice that, although your hands are free, you can’t masturbate with a Snuggie on? Unless you want to cut a hole in the front and ruin a perfectly good Snuggie. At least a blanket is discrete.
“Super large - One size fits all.” By which we mean, we couldn’t afford to make different sizes. If you’re shorter than the models in our commercial, your Snuggie will trip the shit out of you with every step.
“You can stay warm from head to toe.” Except that your head isn’t covered by any Snuggie at all! Maybe they should put a hood on the Snuggie? Of course, then you could bleach your Snuggie and feel extra cozy and warm at your next KKK meeting (You know how little heat those flaming crosses give off.)
“No more cold feet.” Only if you’ve never heard of socks or slippers.
“Perfect for men, women and children.” So, to recap… the target market is "anyone" and "everyone"?
“You can snuggle your baby in your arms.” Anybody else notice that while this woman is cozy and warm in her Snuggie, her baby is freezing to death sans Snuggie?
“Perfect for chilly outdoor evenings.” Of sacrificing virgins with your family. Or when you’re LARPing. Or you want to pretend you’re a Jedi or wizard of some sort.
“Ideal for those drafty dorm rooms.” You know how notoriously drafty dorm rooms are! Fuck… they’re like meat lockers, aren’t they?
“Similar products sell for up to sixty dollars.” Oh my god, someone IS trying to bootleg Snuggies! Alert the authorities.
“You’ll also receive our compact press-and-open booklight.” As an added bonus, here’s a shitty light we got in bulk from the dollar store. Let’s not mention the fact that the demonstration is performed in a fully-lit room. Or the fact that if you buy this light at the dollar store – for a dollar – they’ll throw in NO SNUGGIE absolutely free.
I guess it’s a roundabout way of saying it, but I kinda hate the Snuggie.