Procter, Gamble, Silex & Pizza.

There’s Procter & Gamble. And Procter Silex. But they’re different Procters. Whatever happened to Silex? Did Procter muscle him out? I don’t see that guy as often as I used to.



But that could also be because I don’t really have a reason to go down the kitchen appliances aisle.


And hey… why does the alarm go off when I’m walking into Wal Mart? I just got here! I couldn’t have stolen anything. You haven’t even given me the chance to steal anything yet! Let me see what’s worth stealing first.



Get this...

Police say four men were stabbed at a New York City nightclub advertising an after-party for the film premiere of "Notorious" about rapper Biggie Smalls.

Am I the only one that thinks this is part of a really clever interactive marketing campaign?



Remember when David Duchovny checked into a rehab clinic for sex addiction… and remember how he's also the star of Californication, in which he plays a sex-obsessed writer? Just saying.



Pizza Pizza has this deal where you can get any two slices for five dollars. Or so I thought. I says, “I’ll get the spicy chicken.” And the woman behind the counter is all, “No, you can only choose from plain cheese, pepperoni, or garden.” Well, what the fuck? I thought it was any slice? Why does the sign say any slice?

“Okay, I’ll get pepperoni. So it’s five bucks?”
“Well, five plus tax. So it comes to $5.91.”

What the double fuck? Why would you tell me I can get any two slices for five dollars if it’s really a selection of three slices for six dollars?



That’s like KFC having Toonie Tuesday, when the meal plus a drink and tax is about $4.50. I'm telling you right now, complete bullshit. More like two-and-a-half-toonie-Tuesday.



You know what else I hate about Pizza Pizza? The sneaky topping switch. Pizza Pizza used to use great pepperoni on their pizzas. Then, one day, their pepperoni suddenly tasted like old rubber. And I figured out why. They have what they call “New York style” pepperoni, and the regular old rubber pepperoni. And, while they used to have the New York style as their regular pepperoni, they adapted their pizzas to have the crappy pepperoni by default and you can only get the awesome New York style if you request it, which most people don’t know.

Just one more way I’m helping the world.

RANDOM BONUS: QUESTION FOR LYSOL

Level with me now: what's the difference between Spring Waterfall disinfectant wipes and Fresh Rain disinfectant wipes? Because I honestly can't tell the difference and I have a feeling we're getting ripped off.