I was invited to a Superbowl get-together by a buddy from work, and was all set to get drunk. And I get woken by a text message from him this morning. “So, about that superbowl party… the babies decided to come early – two girls!”
His wife gave birth to twin girls today. Superbowl babies? Hell yeah! That's the best kind of baby: Endorsed by the NFL.
A little earlier than they expected, though. I can just imagine those babies sitting around in the womb, bored out of their minds and one of them looks at her watch and is like, “Fuck it. Let’s get outta here.”
So, congratulations, Matt! But, according to the dickbag in this article, you ought to get a vasectomy now.
COUPLES who have more than two children are being “irresponsible” by creating an unbearable burden on the environment, the government’s green adviser has warned.
What kind of job does this guy have? Telling people that they’re polluting the economy by having sex? Your job is to ask people to stop fucking? That’s the shittiest job in the world.
But nothing compares to this woman in California who had octuplets – eight babies.
You know how long she was in labour? You would think like, 50 hours right? Not even.
Shot eight of those suckers out in five minutes. But, come to find out, it’s probably because she’s had so much practice. She has six other kids at home!
And somebody is all, “waitatick… how the hell did you have eight babies?” and discovers she had taken fertility drugs and they were all from in vitro fertilization.
Who the fuck stuck this woman with eight baby needles? What kind of ethically muddy science experiment is this?!
Parkland, Fla.-based psychologist and author Judith Horowitz is all, "This woman could not comprehend the ramifications of having eight children of the same age at the same time. After Pampers stops delivering the free diapers, then what?"
RANDOM BONUS: ANTICIPATING McDONALDS TOYS
I saw this sign on the counter at a McDonalds in Edmonton last week.
Really? Show me someone who is inconvenienced by having to wait an extra few weeks to start a new McDonalds toy collection. Someone who marked the release date on their calendar and had to scratch it out, and is now moping around until February 24th.
I want to kick that person square in the nuts.