Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Important News Today

I read the Metro on the way in to work this morning. Thought I'd share some of the important news. (Quotes are from the paper.)

"Grimace does some marketing work yesterday through a spring storm in Dieppe, N.B. About 10 centimetres of snow fell overnight in the Moncton area, where schools were closed yesterday morning, primarily due to blinding snow and poor visibility."

Grimace, what the hell are you doing outside? It’s minus fifteen celcuis! Aren't you from a warm climate? Actually, what the hell are you? You look like Barney with Down's Syndrome. Anyways, get Mayor McCheese out there to shovel the drive thru.

Word on the street: Do you think the federal government's proposal to phase out incandescent bulbs and promote CFL bulbs is actually a bright idea?

And this chick answers:

I'm sick of hearing this shit.

North America - "Hey guys, we're harnessing windpower."
Some Stupid Chick - "Well, Europe was doing that like, 20 years ago."
We get it, okay? You think Europe fucking rocks. If Europe is so great, why don’t you go live there and take your pretentious bullshit with you?

Then there's this guy:

"I also glue my money to protest signs, and I go to a lot of protests. That’s why I’m so fucking broke."

Auctioneer Kirk Williams, above, calls out to customers as runner Tom Howard displays an item during a grocery auction in Dallas, Pa., earlier this month. As consumers seek relief from the recession and spiraling food prices, grocery auctions are gaining in popularity as an easy way to cut costs.

Cheese Curls?

“I got your Cheese Curls over here, two dollars can I get two dollars two dollars bam two dollars, two fifty ma’am can I get three do I hear three dollars three dollars I got three going once three fifty I got three fifty three fifty three FIFTAAAAAAY – sold for three fifty.”

God, what a crappy newspaper.

1 comment:

  1. This made me laugh out loud:

    "I also glue my money to protest signs, and I go to a lot of protests. That’s why I’m so fucking broke."

    Damn! Poor guy. "You know I can't wear the same sign twice! What if someone from the last protest saw me at this one!