Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Cape Breton Loves the McDonalds Turkey BLT

Who remembers this commercial?

This commercial was shot in Cape Breton and features local yokels waxing delicious about the new McDonald’s deli sandwiches. Take a good look at this kid.

This kid steals the fucking show in this commercial.

“I like the bacon in the sandwich. It just tastes really good."

And he keeps looking back and forth at the sandwich, trying to make sure that no one absconds with its deliciousness. Even if they hadn’t paid him, he looks like the kind of guy who eats at McDonald’s and genuinely enjoys himself. Like he looks forward to sitting down to lunch by himself so he can savour the deliciousness without the interference of ‘talking to other people.’

It’s kinda got a little bit of a hickory smoke to it.”

What? Hickory smoke? With a straight face, this guy tries to tell us the people flipping burgers in the back are also running a smokehouse for their sandwiches? I aint buyin’ it. I’d go so far as to say they heat the bacon up in the microwave, but that’s about it.

"Gotta taste 'em all."

(Like Pokémon.)

“One gigantic cornucopia of awesomeness.”

Wow. Kudos, kid. Really. A cornucopia of awesomeness? Behind the braces, greasy hair and scum-stache, he’s a pure genius.

However, he could have written the damn commercial and had someone else say the line. The way he says 'awesomeness'...


So east coast. I could smell the lobster boats and welfare checks when he spat out this line. It's like hearing, "Looks like y'all are fixin' to whup some ass," in Arkansas (which I have.) I wonder what this guy was smoking before he walked in and ordered that sandwich? He's single-handedly set the east coast back ten years in terms of overcoming the ‘Canadians talk like retards’ stereotype. Good work, pal.

But seriously, check this out: when he says 'gigantic,' he squints just a bit and looks like he’s trying to seduce the guy holding the microphone. He even turns his head as he squints, like he might morph into the Beast and make love to the interviewer. Perhaps he’s hoping that by sleeping with the audio crew, he can secure future cornucopias of awesomeness. Like the warm, shaved seasoned cheese steak sandwich and/or the cool, creamy chicken caesar. Mmmmm.

I have a feeling his name is something stupid like ‘Zack’ or ‘Freddy.’

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