Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Cosmo, KFC & Oreos.

I was reading Cosmo this past weekend when I was visiting my parents (fuck you, I read Cosmo sometimes) and they had this article called How To Stretch Your Clothes.

Your checking account may have taken a hit, but that doesn’t mean your wardrobe has to suffer. These insider tips will maximize what’s already in your closet.

Okay, saving money on clothes. That’s cool. As you can see, this shirt from Old Navy is only $12.50. But waitasecond…

(click to enlarge.)

The fabric crests are $15.95 and $29.95? So, instead of $12.50, this shirt actually costs $53.90. How the fuck is that a savings?! No wonder the US is in a recession. They can’t add for shit.

But they're still pretty good at stretching their clothes.

Hey, I was at Toys R Us this weekend and I saw this toothbrush for kids.

It plays a song while you brush (that one played “I Just Can’t Wait To Be King.”) That way, when the song ends, you know to stop brushing. When I was a kid, I didn’t have that kind of attention span. I’d just be like, “I’m gonna be a mighty king –“ done.

I was at KFC the other day and the dude gave me a cup to serve myself. I walk over to the drink fountain, get my drink, come back… and the woman behind me has taken up my space in line so I can’t even wait at the counter for my food. What a cunt.

This guy on the subway the other day had a hook hand. He comes up to me, points to his wrist with his hook and goes, “Hey boss, you got the time?” I think he called me 'boss' because I have two functioning hands.

When they introduced Double Stuf Oreos, wasn’t it fun to snicker with your friends and discuss the sexual connotation that Nabisco somehow overlooked? They also have Golden Oreos, which are vanilla with white filling - I think they’re also known as Hitler Oreos. Chocolate Mini Bites (which, let’s be honest, you’re going to eat more of because they’re smaller and really end up eating equal to as many full sized Oreos as you would have had in the first place had you not fooled yourself into buying the little ones.) Chocolate With Double Stuff Chocolate Filling, Cakesters, Mint’N Double Crème Double Decker, Mother Fucker holy shit - Oreo has a TON of different cookies now.

They have a new thing called Oreo Sippers. These are Oreo straws. STRAWS made of chocolate.

This is getting a little out of hand. Does anyone remember when there was just plain Oreos?

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