What The Hell Does THIS Mean?

Check out this job description I came across:

“Program Manager – lead complex cross-functional projects and programs with a focus on business process re-design, and systems implementation. Works with account teams to coordinate segment trade activity sets (via Account Planning System) to monitor and report alignment to the Shopper Conversion calendar, channel/customer conflict, as well as provide consolidated monitoring consumption versus shipment trends at major customers, inclusive of identification of key +/- variances."

The Oscar Highlights

Rather than copy and paste a list of nominees, winners, losers, best dressed, most and least fuckable stars on the red carpet at the show this year (PS - least is Sophia Loren), I want to do a quick rundown of some of my personal Oscar moments.

Blackberries and Bastard Peaches

A few weeks ago, my brother came to town to see a Kevin Smith Q&A. We hung out for the day before the show and, as much fun as we had, I had to draw the line when he ate what I thought was the last donut (It turns out there were eight more in the box that I hadn't bothered checking.)

Fingers & Thumbs

Roger Ebert uses the thumbs up/thumbs down method when reviewing movies.



However, Roger Ebert also looks a lot like Sally Jessie Raphael, so I call his credibility (and sexuality) into question. Therefore, I've decided to present Fingers & Thumbs.

40 Easy Steps For Crossing The Border

The Karma Story

Sometimes, karma can be a bitch. Then, other times, karma can be that cute girl next door that you secretly watch undress through the window.



She was more like the latter for me today.

Stupid iPhone Apps

I’m thinking of getting an iPhone. The price doesn't really bother me. What really bothers me is some of the useless, pointless, ridiculously retarded apps that you can download or - for people whose intellect is lower than their shoe size - actually spend money on.

Indoor Bungee and Sundry Other Items.

I heard of this when I was at West Edmonton Mall.

Monday Night Musings

You know in Japan, they have something called 'lamp fights'?



I guess it's like UFC. Except, with flourescent lightbulbs.

Matt Has Babies!

I know yesterday, I joked about being a dad. Which makes today's news kind of funny.

I was invited to a Superbowl get-together by a buddy from work, and was all set to get drunk. And I get woken by a text message from him this morning. “So, about that superbowl party… the babies decided to come early – two girls!”

Good Work, Mac Genius.

A couple weeks ago, I was left guessing at the Apple Store and decided I needed to clear up confusion over the hierarchy of Store employees. Needless to say, I was being my regular douchebag self and only meant it in jest.