Flying From O'Hare To Pearson

We all board and the captain comes on the intercom: “Ladies and gentlemen, we just have a minor maintenance issue before we take off. We seem to be missing a couple of bolts on one of the wheels so we’re gonna try and take care of that.”

Photoshop, Trucks and Gun Control

I hate it when this happens.

Photoshop freezes and the program won't quit. I tried the old force quit, the awkward option+apple+esc combo. That didn’t work. I thought force quit was in case the program was frozen? Well, guess what? It's frozen. Maybe I should have used "super extra double actually serious this time" quit.



I don't know the key combination for that, though.

Marathons, Peanut Butter and Masturbating Santa

Whoa whoa whoa.

Where does 24 get off having a two-night season premiere? Are we to believe this one episode is as epic as Titanic? I thought a premiere was just the first episode?

Seriously, Why Am I Up?

I was recently sent a message by a reader. For security's sake, I'll call her Marina (Can you see me winking at you, Marina? Because no one knows that's actually your real name).

Marina was kind enough to let me know that she agreed with my random thought the other day, vis-a-vis iTunes updating more than the fucking weather channel.

Cartoon Crush - Volume I

I have a crazy confession. And not the fact that sometimes in private, I stand in front of the mirror and pretend I’m kicking ass onstage at a karaoke bar. I think that’s widely accepted as fact.

Dear NBC: I Hate You.

I get this little gem flash on the screen from time to time when I'm online:



Really? That’s awesome. Because that’s exactly what you’re supposed to be doing. No need to tell me every little mundane action you perform. Just keep ads from popping up and keep your mouth shut about it. Thanks, Firefox.

Thursday Nights Are For Eating Rice Krispie Squares and Watching YouTube Videos.

Or so goes the legend.
So it was only appropriate that I did just that last Thursday with a couple good friends. Below are some fantastic videos we watched that were too good not to share, including some comments by us dudes. On a lazy afternoon, I highly suggest relaxing and watching them. And then taking a nap. ‘Cuz who naps anymore? I miss naps.

My Favourite Bus Driver

Whenever I take the bus, I try to make a point of thanking the driver for the ride. The dude sits behind a giant wheel driving a bunch of thankless fucks around town in a vehicle the size of a city block. If he wanted to kill you, he totally could.

Sombody Couldn't Be Bothered To Title This

Probably because it has no theme whatsoever. But here are my random thoughts for the day.

Adventures Of The Garbage 'Coons

I saw some raccoons the other day, rummaging through the garbage behind Pizza Pizza. And it was weird because it wasn’t even dark. It was broad daylight and these ballsy little bandits were just doing their thing, not giving a shit about the people passing by. Mike and I tried to get closer and closer but, when people walking by saw the raccoons, every one of them jumped and ran like they had seen a ghost.

Anthony Michael Is A Stupidhead

You can check out the full article here, but long story short: this guy Anthony Michael is suing classmates.com for duping him into thinking people from high school were searching for him. You know these ads you see pretty much everywhere?

(P.S. He was way too good for her.)

The Most Rotten Tomato

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Sex Toys, Bank Robbers and Mustaches

This is the Titty Blow Masturbator.



(FYI, clicking the picture will also take you straight to the site. It’s funnier that you find out now, rather than before you actually clicked it.)

The RC Forklift

After seeing the joy on Mike’s face when he flew his RC helicopter around at work, I knew I had to get in on the next order from ThinkGeek.com. I wanted an RC something-or-other. Maybe a car. Or a plane. Or a boat, except I doubt they’d let me fill the sink to play with my RC boat at lunchtime.

Reading Is For Chumps

On a recent trip to Chapters, I was looking for Choke, a book by Fight Club author Chuck Palahniuk.

In Other News: Dresden Is Slow

I hope you're sitting down. If you're not, I'll give you a second. And in that second, I'll wonder why you weren't sitting down in the first place. But anyways, you are now? Okay.

You remember Dresden? No? Me neither.

ON NOTICE

Following is a list of people/things that are currently* pissing me off.
*This list will almost certainly change daily.

Facebook Ads

Back in the day – the day being sometime in October 2006,when I joined Facebook – there were no ads. However, as life teaches us all, there is no such thing as a free ride. Facebook doesn’t get a free ride either. I think all those photos, videos, Booze Mail drinks, sexy gifts and sundry other stupid applications take up some space on the internet and the internet wasn’t storing all this ridiculous shit for free.

Random Thoughts...

Ghost Story

The other night, I woke up from a dream and saw a tall man with a grey beard standing in the hallway, staring into my room. He looked like Roberts Blossom, the scary old guy from Home Alone.

Historic Microwave

Recently, my parents’ old microwave died. It was about damn time. When I say old, I mean really old. They’ve had the same microwave since I was born. In fact, I think it used to be my great grandmother’s and she left it to my mom in her will, with a delightful story about how she stood in line at Sears & Roebuck to buy it for a nickel.

Would You Survive?

This quiz was designed to give you a rough estimate of how you would fare in a fight against a number of different animals. Here’s my results:

Movie Review - The Dark Knight

I was reluctant to see it right away because I knew how crazy the crowds would be, but I'm glad I saw it opening day. I realized how much more enthused people are about an opening. Very rarely do I hear applause and cheering after a film, let alone DURING. It just makes for a more enjoyable experience.