Dearest Dr John King

Rodge Hodge Podge 4

Just Me Being A Jerk

Shooting For a Record

With a headline like this:

You're bound to pique my curiosity.

Right Before Cake Boss.

I actually wrote this a while ago and decided it was too offensive to post. I've since decided I was right. Enjoy.

Devouring The Double Down

Last night, I got the new KFC Double Down. I had to satiate my curiosity; is the Double Down popular because it’s actually good? Or is it popular because people know how vile it is, but they have to try it because they’re fat, disgusting pigs?

And they put the fire out after? Pussy.

6 Crappy Cancer Scares

It seems that, in this germ-riddled and disease-rampant age, anything and everything will give you some form of cancer. You could try cutting these things out of your life and locking yourself in your house until the end of your natural life but I’m sure that isolation and watching too much daytime TV also causes cancer. Sorry about that.

Rules of the Road in Toronto: VOL 2

Dear Toronto Drivers,

You suck. Well, most of you suck. Some of you are okay. But most of you suck.

WTF News: Cops Rescue Marinating Cat

Buffalo police rescued a cat from a Cheektowaga man who apparently was planning to make a meal out of his pet because he thought it was ill-tempered, authorities said Monday. (via)

9 People I Can Do Without

1. Anyone who plugs their ears when the subway screeches really loudly – What are you, six years old?

This Week In Idiots - VOL 3

It's time for another round-up of half-wits! So many idiots, so little time to make fun of them all. Here we go:

Who's Gassing The Geese?

It amazes me that something as big as the BP oil disaster doesn’t get so much as a mention in the newspaper the day before it was capped but, on the front page of the paper - where historically the most important stories are printed so that, even if you can’t spare more than ten seconds to glance at a paper, you’ll get the gist of the good stuff – was this:

Why Do You Hate My Quesadillas?

Okay first off, I have no more friends. I‘ve mentioned this recipe to probably a dozen people and every single one of them has told me it sounded disgusting without even bothering to try it.

The G20 Riot Roundup

Hey Toronto! We had an interesting weekend, didn’t we?

Death of A Urinal

A urinal shaped like a woman’s wide-open mouth has been flushed out of the men’s room of a Hamilton eatery following a nearly year-long public outcry. (via)

The glossy, red-lipped loo at The Honest Lawyer restaurant sparked a letter-writing campaign that attracted almost 1,100 people, including Ontario’s NDP leader and Hamilton’s mayor.

Now You Know: Steve Driver

'Now you Know' is a (not-so) exciting new post, in which I'll touch on a recent news story about someone who, had they not been so stupid/crazy/funny/etc, you would have never heard of them. Let's go.

Up this week is an actor from Porn Valley (who was coincidentally fully clothed and nowhere in the vicinity of a woman for his 15 minutes of fame.)

Entitled to Damages

Why is it that, in this day and age, anytime you have a problem with someone or something, you can just sue the shit out of them?

Have you walked into traffic and gotten hit by a car? You just may be Entitled To Damages.

Dave's Brother

I got a really distressing email the other day from someone I was pretty sure I didn’t know. The subject was “FW: VIRUS COMING?” so I took it pretty seriously. Even though whoever sent
this obviously didn’t, what with that awkward question mark (like they were yelling but they weren't really sure why.)

How I Met My Burger

I was visiting with some friends on a Saturday afternoon feeling a little peckish, so we decided to grab a burger from this little European restaurant down the street. We could have just walked down there and ordered it but -

“Why don’t we call and order ahead so it will be ready when we get there?” Pondered one of us geniuses. (I don’t remember which one.)

The Rodge Hodge Podge 3

I’ve been meaning to re-design this creative little stain on the blog community for a while and I found some interesting things along the way. Like this:

Lessons For Kids

You know who can take a long walk off a short pier? Parents who help their kids sell chocolate bars for school fundraisers.

A Quick Trip To The Store

When you're (I'm) too lazy or it's too late to go to the real grocery store, some of us (me) are glad to have a 24 hour Shoppers right down the street. The former and the latter often combine and we (I) end up doing a majority of grocery shopping here.

Our Sexy Animal Kingdom

Although it’s the shaky, night-vision bat equivalent of One Night In Paris, the best part of this article isn’t the video. It’s the video disclaimer that warns of hardcore bat on bat action.

Married To a Roller Coaster

Amy Wolfe, a US church organist who claims to have objectum sexuality, a condition that makes sufferers attracted to inanimate objects, plans to marry a magic carpet fairground ride.

This follows a "courtship" of 3,000 rides over ten years with the 80ft gondola ride called 1001 Nachts. (via)

Your Horoscope For Today

Seriously, guys. I have a monkey statue that can tell the future.

Getting pizza... and other stuff.

I had a hankering for pizza the other day. I rarely have hankerings anymore. I have inklings and penchants all the time but never a hankering, so I took full advantage of the situation.

Guns, Onion Rings and Banned Books

An irate Staten Island mom blasted a grade school principal Wednesday for treating her son like a pint-sized Plaxico Burress after he brought a 2-inch-long toy gun to school. (via)

Health Canada Halts Upfront Drug Deals

Apparently, the government is owed a lot of money from medical marijuana users and has decided to implement a ‘purchase-in-advance’ system to curb non-payment of debts.

This Week In Idiots - VOL. 2

Here's a countdown of people who've been dropped on their head more times than they ought to have, including a couple of two-for-one bonus idiots. Calling them stupid would be an insult to stupid people.

Rules of the Road in Toronto: VOL 1

The problem with the rules of the road in Toronto is that there aren’t any. Oh, they put up a lot of signs. They look really nice. But no one really pays attention to them (Maybe that’s why there’s been nine fatal accidents in the past nine days around here. Or that there’s been 16 in 2010 already.)

Speaking Gibberish With Janet Yellen

It’s a widely-known fact – or at least it will be by the time you finish reading this sentence – that I express a particular distaste for people who, in the hopes of sounding infinitely smarter than they are, spout complete nonsense. (see related entry, What The Hell Does THIS Mean?)

2010: A New Year's Rambling.

Everyone’s had a few days to let that New Year’s Day hangover wear off by now, eh? My New Year’s resolution was to post this blog January 1st. Obviously, my 2009 resolution to stop procrastinating hasn’t really taken effect yet. Maybe tomorrow; there's some good stuff on TV today.